{ h i t o m i }

2007-01-15T19:12:00.000+08:00

/.

"Understanding (Wash It All Away)"

"You hold the answers deep within your own mind.
Consciously, you've forgotten it.
That's the way the human mind works.
Whenever something is too unpleasant, to shameful for us
to entertain, we reject it.
We erase it from our memories.
But the imprint is always there."

(Can't wash it all away)
(Can't Wish it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
(Can't cry it all away)

The pain that grips you
The fear that binds you
Releases life in me
In our mutual
Shame we hide our eyes
To blind them from the truth
That finds a way from who we are
Please don't be afraid
When the darkness fades away
The dawn will break the silence
Screaming in our hearts
My love for you still grows
This I do for you
Before I try to fight the truth my final time

"We're supposed to try and be real.
And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real."

Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away

Lying beside you
Listening to you breathe
The life that flows inside of you
Burns inside of me
Hold and speak to me
Of love without a sound
Tell me you will live through this
And I will die for you
Cast me not away
Say you'll be with me
For I know I cannot
Bear it all alone

"You're not alone, honey."
"Never... Never."

Can't fight it all away
Can't hope it all away
Can't scream it all away
It just won't fade away, No

Can't wash it all away
Can't wish it all away
Can't cry it all away
Can't scratch it all away

(Can't fight it all away)
(Can't hope it all away)
Can't scream it all away
Ooh, it all away
Ooh, it all away

"But the imprint is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten."
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."
"Because I'll die if you do."

Happy 3 months.
Que sera sera.

what will be will be.
this is our last post here.
Find us here.

I love you. Always.

-anis.

lyrics © Amy Lee, Evanescence, and all respective owners.

2007-01-05T20:26:00.000+08:00

/.

Listening to : Kodoku no Kessho - Danger*Gang
mood: content

stupid
fawking
internet
thingy.

kept me out of the net.

evil evil evil.

nnn.
but oh-

- aren't we just too adorable?

School's the same as usual, and drama is as usual. I keep to myself more and I'm still odd.

...What a great way to start off the New Year.

I have a whole lot of crap to complete ( random art pieces I never finished, commisioned pieces, etc ) and a few books to read ( Macbeth etc).

And I'm happy to report that I'm gaining confidence with my (singing) voice! ♥ I kinda abused my vocal chords yesterday singing Malice Mizer and the like, (mostly Klaha stuff) and even tried Rentrer en Soi. A lil bit off, but hey, I didn't get any vocal training lessons. ppft.

anyhu, a bit more toward our three-month anniversary! Ten more days to be exact. wahahahah.

I want the romanji to this song. bah, why is it so hard to find it?? ><
crrryyyy out shout one selffff~ yuki ga furi.
can't master this song yet. whaahah. I'm beginning to bore myself now. meh.

that's all for now.
oh, I think I want to get another blog thing. This one is geeting old, and screams for retirement.

cheers.
-hitomi.

2006-12-26T08:36:00.001+08:00

I swear.
My lings are the smexiest thangs in the world <3

2006-12-19T01:55:00.000+08:00

/.
gosh.
I take back the bad cosplay comment I made a few posts back. I found more good cosplayers!
but alas...I found a rather...ecke Gazette team.

...even some cosplayers were rather adorable ^_^
hurrah! more motivation to cosplay! I wanna cos Ishizu Ishtar from YGO!, but at one of the smaller events. Next year's EOY, I'm going as Teruki [AnCafe] from the Tekesuta Kousen PV. LALALALA i'll be in a suit. ooo.
and then I'll have to do my Shinya cos. nn. I want to cos him more often. <3
AND OMG DADA COSER!!! <3<3<3
sho purdy

ok now I need sleep. nite nite.

-hitomi

2006-12-18T18:26:00.000+08:00

If you get more than 30 you're paranoid.
If you get 21 to 29 you normal.
If you get 11 to 20 you are pretty normal.
If you get 10 or less you're fearless.
People who don't have any are jerks who want people to think they are tough stuff.

Everyone fears something... you just have to find the right thing.

I Fear...

[] gay people
[] the dark
[] being single forever
[] being a parent
[] being myself in front of others
[] open spaces
[] closed spaces
[] heights
[] black cats
[] birds
[] fish
[] ants
[] driving
[] flying
[] flowers or other plants
[] being touched
[] fire
[] dark water
[] the ocean
[] failure
[] success
[] thunder/lightning
[] frogs/toads
[x] my boy~~/girlfriend~~'s/~~(ex)boy/girlfriends~~ dad
[x] my boy~~/girlfriend~~'s/~~(ex)boy/girlfriends~~ mom
[] mice/rats
[] jumping from high places
[] snow
[] rain
[] wind
[] cotton balls
[] cemeteries
[] large crowds
[] crossing bridges
[] death
[] Heaven
[] being robbed
[] men
[] women
[x] having great responsibility
[] doctors, including dentists
[]tornadoes
[] hurricanes
[] diseases
[] snakes
[] sharks
[] shots
[] Friday the 13th
[] poverty
[] ghosts
[] Halloween
[] school
[] trains or railroads
[] odd numbers.
[] even numbers
[] being alone
[] being blind
[] being deaf
[] growing up
[] monsters under my bed
[] creepy noises in the night
[] bee stings
[] not accomplishing my dreams/goals
[]blood
[x] someone you love or care about getting hurt
[x] someone you love or care about hurting you
[] love
[x] losing my loved ones
[] Spiders
[x] God
[] Other

.....7.
SEVEN OUT OF SEVENTY-TWO.
....=.=
nnn. I'm...fearless. I guess. wahahaha.
I realized today that I've never had an argument with Ash. Have never started one either.
IT'S THOSE OTHER PEOPLE WHO MAKE HIM ANGRY >O

stupid idiots. nn.

that's all for today.

-hitomi

2006-12-17T19:17:00.000+08:00

/.

watching : FRIENDS
mood : ....

I still have food poisoning. gah.

...And I didn't go for EOY. I'm glad I didn't.

I realized that a majority of Singaporeans are NOT fit for cosplaying. It's really so...disappointing ._. My motivation to cosplay increased, surprisingly. Like to show em I could do it so much better. wahahahaha.

My sempai did an amazing job cosplaying Kyo sama though. Both Hara and Kai. Mizuki cosplayed as well, but I wasnt sure who she was cosing. I think it was Jui..I forgot >_>
nnn.
I feel like puking at the thought of food now.

-hitomi

2006-12-13T23:39:00.000+08:00

/.

Listening to : The Domestic Fucker Family - Dir en Grey
Mood : Bitchy.

the following will contain several swear words, thus making my rant ~~seem~~ obscene and uncouth. ~~I DON'T FUCKING CARE.~~

nnn.

[rant]
No one can control who they fall in love with. We can't control that anymore than we can control the weather. SO, EXPLAIN TO ME WTFH ARE PEOPLE TRYING TO CONTROL HIM AND WHO HE LIKES?
Even if the girl of his dreams does so happen to come along after I go away, I doubt she'd be anymore innocent than I would be. Fine, so you think the way I dress is loud? Shameless?
FINE. SEE IF I REALLY FUCKING CARE.
Life's too short, it can't be lived wearing boring clothes in your youth.
Don't give me bullshit reasons. We're not getting married. We're just going out. That's all. So if you fuckers really want to control him, fine, do so, by all means. You are family, and so family knows what's best for an angst-ridden teenager. Suuuuuuure. Okay. I very much want your blessing, but then again, you're not my parents, nor his, so back off will ya?
And btw, don't bug on him just because you're jealous that you don't have a boyfriend. Don't make noise. Just sssshhhh and stfu pls.
Don't try to end our relationship just because yours is going down the drain. Don't tell me that I'm incapable of trying to even sustain anything that resembels a relationship. You can't do any better, really.
And so, if you want me to back off, sure, I'll be respectful and back off. But really, I'd very much like to dare you bitches to find me someone who treats me better than Ash does.
You know you'll fail.
And what are you afraid of? That I'm going to just use him and then throw him away?
Do you really think I'm that sort of person?
Whatever. Don't give me lame excuses and say that I'm too young for a relationship dammit. You won't even let him talk to me. Huh. How wonderful.
I hope you know, if he kills himself it'll be on your conscience. But then again, you wouldn't care would you? You'd be more than happy to dance on his grave and kick the soil loose. You'd never tell me because you're my best friend. But I know.
...Fuck you and your incapability to handle other people being happy.
You just can't accept the fact that he isn't the same person you left behind in Singapore a year ago, can you?
You can't accept the fact that he only seems to be caring, loving and and actual feeling person to me alone, can you? You can't accept the fact that he's a different person from the gritty doom and gloom cousin from a year ago, can you?
You can't even seem to accept the fact that he has a reason to be happy, just for once in his life. What a wonderful cousin you must be.
I'd very much like to taunt you in person. But no, I'm far too immature, I rant about it publicly on my blog.
I really don't have the heart to really and truly hate you.
Because you're all like my own sisters, and I could never hate family. Another great flaw in my grand design.
I want to be selfish, just for this. I'm tired of giving people the things they want, letting them be satisfied with my lies, and deceiving them like I breathe air. I promised my parents long ago that I'd always tell the truth, I guess I broke that promise.
So I'm telling the truth now.
Deal with it girl, and don't give me lame excuses. I don't want to see things from your point of view, I want you to see things from my point of view. Hell, even if you were in love with my worst enemy, I'd try to see things your way.
Oh, but I guess that's the difference between you guys and me. I actually give the bad guys a chance.
hm.
fuck.
you.
all.
[/rant]

-anis.

2006-12-01T14:00:00.000+08:00

/.

Listening to : Cold Sleep - Velvet Eden
Mood : Headache XD LOL that's not a mood XDDD

KAY JIA I R UPDATING NOWWWWW =DD
mostly random updates.
My cosplay still isn't done DX it's at the tailor's for now, and she reassures me that it'll be done by December 16th. God willing.
I've been listening to a whole lot of Velvet Eden. It's calming. And my lack of fangirling surprising everyone. woooaaa. SEE LA ASH WHAT YOU DID TO ME. XDD
no more fangirling. o_o
I made Ash talk to mummy. And now she knowwwssss -le gasp- She was like, "OOOOOoooh so I was right la. Your boyfriend's name IS Ash " and then Uncle Din too LOL.
She was like, OMG YOU'RE 16???? when Ash told her. XDD I was laughing my ass off. But he was mad that I told them. He said it was too early. We got that cleared up though.
MUMMY GAVE ME A DIAMONTE HELLO KITTY NECKLACE. and cute ring and matching earrings. homfg I feel so girly now. I'm getting too used to MSN, look at the amount of emotifaces thingies I use.
GAH. Ash's meeting mum and Uncle Din on Monday =O AND Azri.
OMFG.
OMFG.
OMFG.
Sofi gave me Charmy Kitty mini plushie! It's so cuteeeee.
-slaps self-
..I'm really girly.
The soft spot for decora. And..cute things. Meh.
Mum thought Ash wasn't a Malay. XD he doesn't sound it. Neither do I. LOL.
Anyhu, my head is throbbing, andddd I dunnoe what else to type.
I think I'm losing my touch ><

-hitomi

2006-11-21T18:45:00.000+08:00

What's Your Disorder?

Anorexia
[ ] you have dry skin.
[ ] you're very weak.
[ ] you hate your body.
[x] you starve yourself. sometimes..
[ ] you have low self esteem.
[ ] you use laxatives.
[x] you need to be skinnier.
[ ] people think you are way too skinny.
total: 2

ADHD (attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder)
[x] you are hyper most of the time.
[x] you barely pay attention to anything.
[ ] you cannot cooperate with people well.
[x] you seem to never sit still.
[x] you talk all the time.
[x] you need attention 24/7.
total: 5

Bipolar Disorder
[x] you can act wild at times then the next you are severely depressed.
[x] you are very irritable.
[x] you barely get any or no sleep.
[ ] you are anti-social.
[ ] you have very high self esteem at times.
[ ] you are abusing alcohol, drugs, or sex.
[ ] you have thought of/attempted suicide.
total: 3

Bulimia Nervosa
[ ] you throw up all of your food.
[ ] you throw it up even when you don't feel sick.
[ ] you have no control over how you eat.
[ ] you use laxatives.
[ ] you eat fast.
[ ] you have overly exercised to where you almost fainted/passed out.
[x] you always say you are fat, ~~when you aren't.~~ I AM DAMMIT.
[ ] people think you are way too skinny.
total: 1

Conduct Disorder
[ ] you are a bully.
[ ] you threaten other people.
[ ] you often find yourself in fights.
[ ] you have used a weapon that could cause injury to others. (ex: knife, bat, etc.)
[ ] you are cruel to humans and/or animals.
[x] you have raped/molested someone. XDDDDDDDDD as a joke
[ ] you destroy property on purpose.
[x] you ~~always~~ sometimes lie.
[ ] you stay out all night.
[ ] you have ran away from home.
total: 2

Depression
[x] you are always sad.
[x] you always are crying.
[ ] you find no hope in your future.
[ ] you find no longer excitement over the activities you used to love.
[ ] you always find yourself around the house or in bed all day.
[ ] you can be/are anti-social.
[ ] you have low self esteem.
[x] everything bad that happens is always your fault.
[ ] you always seem to be weak or have physical features hurt.
[ ] you are failing school.
[ ] you have thought of/attempted suicide.
[ ] you have ran away from home.
[ ] hope is no longer there for you.
total: 3

OCD (obsession compulsive disorder)
[x] you have daily rituals.
[x] you have disturbing thoughts or thoughts you hate.
[x] you have to do a certain thing until it feels right.
[ ] you have to keep things in a certain order.
[x] you have harmed yourself. ....mentally.
[ ] you are afraid you will get an std, aids, or any kind of germs.
[ ] you have to check some stuff over again.
total: 4

PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder)
[x] you repeatedly have flashbacks of horrible moments/memories in your life.
[x] you repeatedly have dreams of horrible moments/memories in your life.
[x] you sometimes think the event will happen again.
[x] you feel highly uncomfortable when remembered/remembering the event.
[x] you can be/are anti-social.
[x] you have lost interest in the things you used to love.
[x] you have not had a lot of sleep lately.
[ ] you worry about dying at a early age or dying at all.
[ ] you can have angry outbursts.
[ ] you act younger than your age.
total: 7

Schizophrenia
[ ] you often have hallucinations (seeing things or hearing things that aren't there).
[x] you have strange, unusual dreams or thoughts.
[x] you can be confused about reality and fantasy.
[x] you think people are always staring or talking about you.
[ ] you have extreme anxiety or fearfulness.
[ ] you have difficulty with relationships with family, friends, and opposite sex.
[ ] you do not take care of your hygiene like you should.
[ ] you are very shy.
[x] you often talk to yourself.
total: 4

Now, add them up and see which has the most and you'll figure out your disorder.

I have PTSD.

Amazing. Ahahahahahaha.

-hitomi

2006-11-21T02:27:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to : Planet Hell - Nightwish
Mood : Contemplative

....I'm sorry.

Don't worry about anything.
I know it might be a little early to say this, and all but,

I LOVE YOU.

I don't want to end this. Not yet anyways. I want you for who you are, not for the person you write about. I know you're no Superman, neither am I. I...love you for who you are. Know this.
Don't beat yourself up just because I freaked out just for that one instant. ...No love lost ne?

Don't tempt me into sin.
...But then again, I'd burn in Hell anyways. I don't want you to burn. I love you too much to see that happen.
If I could.

-hitomi

2006-11-17T18:45:00.000+08:00

/.

Listening to : Bel Air - Malice Mizer
Mood : worried.

...

What if you only want me for that?

...I'm not a toy.

forget it. I didn't say anything.
these are the minor insecurities.
-hitomi

2006-11-13T17:07:00.000+08:00

I've been watching you from a distance
The distance sees through your disguise
All I want from you is your hurting
I want to heal you
I want to save you from the dark

Give unto me your troubles
I'll endure your suffering
Place onto me your burden
I'll drink your deadly poison

Why should I care if they hurt you
Somehow it matters more to me
Than if I were hurting myself
Save you (save you)
I'll save you

Give unto me your troubles
I'll endure your suffering
Place onto me your burden
I'll drink your deadly poison

Fear not the flame of my love's candle
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness
Give unto me all that frightens you
I'll have your nightmares for you
If you sleep soundly

Give unto me your troubles
I'll endure your suffering
Place onto me your burden
I'll drink your deadly poison

Fear not the flame of my love's candle
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness
Give unto me all that frightens you
I'll have your nightmares for you
If you sleep soundly

Fear not the flame of my love's candle
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness

+ This is for you.
All I've ever wanted to say and do.
All in Amy Lee's words.
I can't find my own..so..
for now this will have to suffice.

あなたの唇の感じはまだ私の物で長びく..

-hitomi.

2006-11-11T22:52:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to : Merou ni Shizunde - Alice Nine
Mood : ..sleepy.

AA ARISOU~!!!!
-spazzes-

I really ♥ Saturdays.

There's band meeting tomorow, and I HAVE TO SING =O
omg I R LIEK SO NERVOUSSSS!!11111111111
SRSLY.
OMG I IS SPAZZINGGGGGG OMGG OMGGGG
-slaps self-

Ok, I've abused my vocal cords more than I should. Save some for tomorow. Hmm.
OKAAAYYY. now this is the stuff I gotta do before EOY:
+ MY COSPLAY
+Pay for my boots from HARU
+Finish the shooting for ELDDS
+Go out with baby as much as possible =DDDD

So far today, I've tried stretching myself to Shou's, Asagi's, Jui's,Klaha's, Gackt's AND Amy Lee's vocals.The result (the songs I could do)were um..O_O
Shou : Yami ni Chiru Sakura, Gin no Tsuki kurai hoshi,
Asagi : Kanan~yakusoku no chi~,Angelic Blue, EDEN, Shiroi Yoru
Jui : .....
Klaha : Shiroi hada ni kuruu ai to kanashimi no rondo
Gackt : Le ciel
Amy :...almost everything XDD

But I've found a million problems with my voice/throat. I don't have enough stamina to pull off most of the songs I sing to, because if I'm loud, I can't pull or hold the notes are long as I used to when I'm not as loud. T_T
And sometimes I can't control my voice. It goes like, off pitch when I have to stretch it. O____O
WTF lor.
-spazzes-
...the amount of Singlish plaguing my vocabulary these days is..beyond frightening. It's like having Pua Chu Kang speak in English while eating scones and sipping tea with the Queen. O_o

ah well. Till tomorow then!

-hitomi

2006-11-07T21:23:00.000+08:00

/.

Listening to : Leukocyte
Mood : Cheery but sleepy

AAAARGH. I GOT MY RESULTS TODAY.

AND I GOT ALL THE CLASSES I WANTED!
8D
-dances around-

"Anis has the drive to improve in her academic and excel in non-academic areas. She demonstrates strong self confidence and contributes intelligent and perceptive contributions to a discussion. She is capable of making intelligent and perceptive contributions to a discussion, bringing much life to the classroom. She is also a girl that does not hesitate to seek clarification where necessary and is actively involved in her CCA."

.....Reading between the lines says-

"Anis is an over-ambitious, arrogant little twat. She does not know when to shut her mouth, causing her teachers to scream incessantly during lessons. She asks mundane questions and has nothing better to do than to participate in her CCA."

^____^

I love doing that. ahahahah. And do you know what else? They state somewhere on the same page that my CCA attendance is poor. SO WHY SAY THAT I'M ACTIVELY INVOVLED????
O_________o;;

nnnn..
right.

-hitomi

2006-11-04T18:15:00.000+08:00

/.

Listening to :
Mood: like shit.

meh. I know why I love Romeo and Juliet so much.
I'm still struggling with the decora photoshoot. And I'm freaking out about my cosplay. I can't find any good pictures. And my boots are still at HARU.

and fuck.
MY RESULTS ARE COMING OUT ON TUESDAY.
awwww bloody fuck.

whatever.
you fuckers bloody messed everything up.
I'm mad at everyone, especially myself. More so actually.
I'm drained.
Simple.
I have no more words to say to you all.
I'm just sick of this.
I'm sick of this.
I'm sick of this.

I haven't the energy to deal with all your bullshit.
I have my own.
I feel like shit now, all thanks to you.aren't you glad?
You've made me feel as though as I've commited murder, but even then I think you would've dealt out a much less harsh retaliation. Heck, you all clearly know that I'm capable of murder, and that it'll probably happen sooner or later.
but seriously,
WHATEVER.
I'm done with you.

I'm tired already.
-hitomi

2006-11-04T16:18:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to : The Domestic Fucker Famliy - Dir en Grey
Mood: Sleepy

messsshhhh job interview! And I made it.

Lyrics are coming to me so easily now, don't know why lol. And they have weird titles ; "Fuckers always die faster","Dinner with rubber",and my personal favourite-
"AWW FUCK YOU."

LOL I'M SERIOUS! But I threw them all away,since vulgar lyrics don't really suit me O_o;;
Am in the process of writing the usual tragic love shit that I usually write. -falls over-

I freaked out today after I left the workplace thing because I realized that EOY was approching, and I STILL HAVEN'T DONE MY COSPLAY. And then I had a mental blank. LOL I tripped over nothing XDDDDDD

I'm still doing my outfit for the decora photoshoot, and I'm freaking out so much because namely, it's my first time doing decora. I'M STILL FREAKING OUT. I got a skirt from urban warehouse (my money... T_T)! It matches the pair of legwarmers I got. YAY. argh. But I'm still freaking out, because I have no idea what the heck I can match that skirt with.
-spazzes-
EEE IT'S CATSCRATCH!!!!!!
-watches-

later my babies
(>^0^)>~*~*

-hitomi

2006-11-03T22:38:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to : Seaside to pastel chou - AYAbie
Mood : ....=)

I'm in a better mood. Hm.
Maybe it's you.
hm.

This is the tragedy I wished for.
Now let me deal with it.
Because who knows how long it'll last.
-hitomi

2006-11-03T21:49:00.000+08:00

bold the statement that are true to you
italise the statement that you wish to be true
stab 5 person to do the same test (:

-i miss somebody right now
-i do not watch tv these days
-i have tried marijuana
-i have been in threesome
-i believe honesty is the best policy
-i have changed mentally over the last year
-i carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
-i curse
-i'm totally smart
-i've broken someone's bones
-i'm paranoid sometimes
-i would have a plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost scar-free
-i need money right now
-i love sushi
-i have long hair
-i have lost money in las vegas
-i have at least one sibling
-i have worn fake hair / fingernails / eyelashes
-i couldn't survive without caller ID
-i am usually pessimistic
-i have alot of mood swing
-i have a hidden talent
-i'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have
-i have alot of friends
-i am currently single
-i have pecked someone of the same sex
-i enjoy talking on phone
-i would rather shop than eat
-i don't hate anyone
-i have tried alcohol before
-i own the South Park movie
-i would die for my best friend
-i think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
-i have used my sexuality to advance my career
-i watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
-i am happy at this moment
-i am comfortable with who I am right now
-i have more than just my ears pierced
-i walk barefoot wherever I can
-i have jumped off a bridge
-i love sea turtles
-i spend ridiculous money on makeup
-i plan on achieving a major goal/dream
-i'm proficient in a musical instrument
-i worked at McDonald's restaurant
-i hate office jobs
-i love sci-fi movies
-i'm a pretty good dancer
-i'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
-i have a cell phone
-i believed in god
-i watch MTV on a daily basic
-i have passed out drunk on the past six months
-i've rejected someone before
-i want to have children in the future
-i have changed a diaper before
-i've called the cops on a friend before
-i'm not allergic to anything
-i have a lot to learn
-i'm shy around members of the opposite sex
-i have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past
-i think water rules
-i like sausages
-i love kisses
-i fall for the worst people
-i adore bright colours
-i can't live without black eyeliner
-i don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing
-i usually like covers better than originals
-i can pick up things with my toes
-i can't whistle
-i can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake's slither
-i have ridden/owned a horse
-i still have every journal i've written in
-i can't stick to a diet
-i talk in my sleep
-i try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions
-i wear a toe ring
-i will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better
-i'm an artist
-i only clean my room when necessary
-i like a person of the same sex
-i love being happy

stabbing -
-LING
-AAA DEAR you do this kay? when you get your computer back T.T
-SUMIE~
-AZRI
-anyone else who wants to do this

*hitomi

2006-11-03T01:40:00.000+08:00

/.

....

that's it.
I've had enough.
I've had it with your-holier-than-thou attitude.
You think you're so fucking innocent?
FINE.
You think you're so fucking pure and MATURE right?
FINE.
You think I have an attitude problem or something, that I really don't care?
FINE.
I REALLY DON'T CARE ANYMORE.
OH BOO HOO CRY FOR ALL I CARE.
oh wait, I don't.
a haha.
too bad.
right then.
You think I don't know that there are people other than yourself that care for me? AHAHAH idiot.
LOOK AROUND YOU. YOU FREAKING INTROVERT.
even when we kiss and make up I STILL WON'T TAKE BACK MY WORDS.
And if you say 4 years of friendship has gone down the drain,
FINE.
I feel like these best-friend things are getting more and more one-sided these days.
If you were really my best friend, and cared for me so god damned much, think about what I'm going through. You know how fucked up my family life is, and how it's continuing to be so.
You know how I am, you know me inside out.
But you say that I've changed and that you don't know me anymore.
FINE.
If you really are as mature as you think you are, THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
stop being a fucked up know-it-all and preach about moral values to me.
I know what they are dammit.
Stop being so fucking selfish. I'm the one going through all this shit, not you.
And so is Nadi.
She's the one related to him, NOT YOU.
I know by even liking him I've screwed up her family ties forever.
I ask God why, and I still haven't gotten an answer. I know why I like him, and I see no goddammed reason why I should tell you. Even though you are my best friend.
Some things you just have to keep to yourself.
And I'm not asking Nadi to apologize to you for me. Hell, I never even said I wanted to apologize. She was the one who asked you to unblock me on msn, not me. SHE did it on her own account.
BLOCK ME FOR ALL I CARE. -smack self- OH YEAH. I DON'T.
I know I made Nadi angry. I apologized to her already. DEAL WITH IT.
If I lose her, it's 8 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP DOWN THE DRAIN.
you happy?
And oh, I'm not too young, YOU'RE THE FUCKING SAME AGE AS I AM.
And as for my IC, I CAN ALWAYS GO MAKE A FAKE ONE ~~DUMBASS.~~
other thing, you're not the only person who tolerates my bullshit.oh be surprised
There's someone called MUM.
she tolerates even more bullshit than you know.
AHAHAH don't say that you know. Because it's a lie. You only know because I tell you.
And what right are you talking about? My life, my business. We never told anyone because we weren't even sure where we stood. WTF is the point of telling everyone we're attached when nothing has even begun?
Think harder. Until you feel like your head's gunna crack. Because I did. I thought about whether we should tell you guys. One thing, when things go bad,it'll affect everyone. SO WE'D VERY MUCH LIKE TO SPARE YOU GUYS THE PAIN OF THAT.
you stupid,stupid fucker.
yes, I'm pissed.
More than you know.
Think hard.
honestly.
And if you dare, send me and email telling me how much of a dumbfuck you think I am for trying to spare you guys the hurt of seeing friends torn apart. Because if we end this, Nadi can never go out with her cousins and us at the same time. And you know how much she loves all of us.

so you tell me.
WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
a ha ha.
You have no idea what big of a bitch I can be.
No one does.
Not even me.
-hitomi

2006-11-02T21:20:00.000+08:00

/.

ok, you know what?
WHATEVER.

I'm not gunna do anything to change your minds.
WHATEVER.
PISS OFF ALREADY.

fuckers.
-hitomi

2006-11-01T12:44:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to: SIREN BLUE - Lolita23q
Mood: Jumpy

I've been obsessively playing this song over and over again in my head to try and understan what Sou's been singing. The lyrics don't match up either way. gah. It's annoying when you can't get something like this right =_________=/-

Spent some time looking up on my favourite bands ( Rentrer en Soi, D'espairs Ray..etc ) and heck there are a lot of different kinds of visual kei. I knew that the whole sub-genre thing was insane, but heck, this was a lot. Gah I didn't know ReS was considered White Kei. ( Shiroi Kei?? O_o;;) White Kei are bands which are more towards the 'light' aspects of things, be it outfits, songs, or whatever.

White Kei = Rentrer en Soi...etc ( i forgot..)
Eroguro Kei = Dir en Grey, D'espairs ray.. etc
hnn. i didn't know that.
Anguro Kei = Inugami Circus Dan, Kagrra..etc
Oshare Kei = Lolita23q, An Cafe...etc (no da!)
and there's more, I just...don't bother to remember. poo.

nyan Enough blabber.
I had a good time yesterday. It was a little hard saying things to you, but somehow, I just opened up,and it seemed so easy to talk to you. I wanted to cry, but I don't want you to see that.
Sorry hun.
Why is it always seem as though time speeds up when we're out together? It's just plain mean I tell you.
m(_ _)m

kimi no sugata wa..
..doko ni mo miataranai.

-hitomi

2006-10-31T00:39:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to : Reveil en sursaut d'un rae - Cinema Strange
Mood: Sleepy

Ecke Blogger crapped on me >.>
So now Im in beta. It's better really. ecke.
Went out for raya just now, got myself some much needed moolah. omg yessssssssss

I want to get baby his gundam. Fuckkkkk my brother wants one too.
I pokai already le >.>

*ahem*
Anyhu..
I've had Tafel on constant replay since um the time I got it?
Until this morning when baby sent me songs 8D They are love yo. I'm suprised I like them even. Maybe it's cause they're his songs. XDDDD Reveille. They are okay...woa. English. Not Engrish le. XDDD

oooh.It's late now. I've got drama tomorow...hell I dont wanna go. Couldn't really arse myself to start caring for anything related to school, apart from maybe my lings.LOL lingssss sometimes you piss me off. So nya, it depends on my mood. LING I NEED MY REPORT BOOK FROM YOU LE. I WANT TO SEE WHAT MS LOW WROTE ABOUT ME XDD

oh dear I ~~can be~~ am soooo self centered. AH AHAHAH.
hnn.

riight then. I forgot the whole point of my post now. OH OH I REMEMBER xD

BABY- joo are so sweet. Kya you make me melt. omg I fangirl over your prose >.>
I wanna write you something too. Be warned though. My stuff sucks shit.
AND HOW'D YOU GET TO BE SO SEXY??????
hitomi wants to know lol
SHE HAS A SEXY SMITH

...and
LING- GIMME MY REPORT BOOOOOOKKKKKKKKK

okay end.

-hitomi

2006-10-30T00:15:00.000+08:00

/.
listening to : Phantom Pain - D
Mood: Feverish - my fever strikes back with vengence ><

TAFELLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thank you for keeping it baby -kisses for joo-

and OMFG does it rock. The photobook is so darn pretty. OMG CAN THEY GET ANY SEXIER!?!
-faints-

-revives-
Anyhu.
I love Saturdays. I really do.
and I might get some decent lyrics written. I might. -smiles-

I just might.

by the morning light
we'll be half way to anywhere
where love is more than just your name.

-hitomi
omg feeling reminscent already? it's Evanescence to the rescue >.>

2006-10-29T18:03:00.002+08:00

/.
Listening to: Glow in the sun
mood: feverish, but happy.

......I'm not letting you go.

hitomi.

I got Tafel. I'm so in love with D now..
^-^

2006-10-27T22:26:00.000+08:00

/.
listening to: Love means Sacrifice - D
Mood: ...elated?

...I've found a new muse.
and I believe that I have a smile on my face.
yes, in fact I do.

=)
It's been some time, ne, smile?

Shiroi Yoru.

{White Night}//translated

faraway, the birds were singing
the sound of footsteps crunching snow
I don't react
because I don't want to react

the wind is passing through
powdery snow wets the eyelashes
I can't see anything
because I don't want to see anything

the snow takes you away at the end of winter
in this white world, I am gently killed

when I meet you once again, let's disappear completely here
like the snow thawing and flowing, I also wish to melt away

frozen in this lightless night at the end of winter
this white world is adorned with the crystals* of my sorrow

but only the number of memories that passed on with you lie thickly in my breast
the seasons repeat, before long, I suppose morning comes however now...
when I meet you once again, let's disappear completely here..

hitomi.

2006-10-27T21:02:00.000+08:00

/.
listening to : Leukocyte - D
mood: ...pissed.

My Tafel is being held hostage at Ash's. Hope I can get it soon.
aaaaa. I don't wanna go back to mum's. I'm tired. And sick.
I can't lug myself back there. T^T
I'll just stay here.
and sleep.
yeah.

I've endured your pain
and I've endured your sorrow.
I can give you all my happiness
and I want nothing in return
I give you my love and joy
I'll take your agony and hurt
I give you my all.

-hitomi.

2006-10-27T16:14:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to : Kaya - Remains of mind
mood:...distressed.

~~I can't like you.~~
Not in that way. I want to, really. I found myself thinking of you, late at night, when I was down with high fever. And of all people I could've thought about, it was you. You stayed in my mind for a long time, and I fell asleep remembering your face.
I don't know why. It has been some time.
I want to like you so much, but I think of the consequences such a liking would bring.
You bring the darkness back that I've fought so hard to vanquish, and you bring the hate that I've longed for so long to disapper.
I cannot imagine going through what you're going through now. I can only say that I'm going crazy, and sometimes it feels like I really am. But I'm fine. No mental ailments as of yet.
You were on my mind when I was sick. And all I could think of was how much of a good person you've been towards me. But I don't know whether your actions hold double meanings.
I get paranoid you see.

------------------------------------

I've decided to become a Shinya-ist; Shinya cosplayer. I love that tiny man =3

hitomi.

2006-10-25T03:31:00.000+08:00

/.
listening to": Yami yori kurai dokuko no A CAPELLA to bara yori akai jonetsu ARIA
mood: ....=.=

A big, huge, THANK YOU to Ash and Sumie for helping me get Tafel Anatomie.
I love you guys so much~

2006-10-19T21:57:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to: Calling me -D
mood: ...sleepy.

I'M CRAVING FOR CHOCO.omg.
I cant have choco. CHOCO MAKES ME FATTER. omg. Plus, it kills my throat.
eeeeeeww.

AND OMG THIS SONGS ROCKS.
OMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFG
OMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFG
OMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFG
OMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFGOMFG.

*ahem*
I've been wanting to update, but I just couldn't arse myself to do so 8D
yes Im a lazy person.

EDIT:
Listening to : Alice - D
It's about 150 am on a ~~SUNDAY~~ MONDAY morning.
I am so fucking screwed.
AND AND~

my new glasses 8D
~~I've just realized my big ass picture's gunna screw up my layout.~~ Ah whatever.
Been busy on msn talking to friends from overseas. And some local ones too. I feel empty inside and that what I'm doing right now is worthless. Like whatever.
I'm not satisfied with my own voice, I set up standards that are too high. And to lower them is more difficult than I thought it would be. I find that I sound too flat, and that I realize that my breathing's really shallow- just like those dumbass idiots on Singapore Idol.

I can't write lyrics as easily as I used too, and now Im convinced that I'm seriously twisted, and not in a good way. Then again, when was being twisted ever good?

Whatever. I can't even draw now. Fuck this depressive crap. I hate going to school (what's new??) because it fucking sucks. I'm a paranoid person at the moment, mostly driven nearly insane by my D obsession. I need money, not only to pay for my irrelevant wants, but for my phone bills, etc. I get seriously annoyed whenever a teacher or any other person that's older then me starts poiting out that I'm, "Still young and innocent, and doesn't worry about things like bills..and blablabla"

like mmhmh kay,
EXCUSE ME.
I FUCKING WORRY ABOUT HOW MY DAD'S GUNNA PAY THE BILL EVERY MONTH, AND I WORRY ABOUT MUCH MONEY HE HAS TO SPEND ON ME AND MY BROTHERS
AND I FUCKING WORRY ABOUT HOW MY MUM IS GOING TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE MONTH.

-fumes-
-calms down-
I think I listened to my mp3 for too long, my ear's going a bit wonky.
huh.

2006-10-18T19:11:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to: Ever After - D
mood: stuffed

wheee!
I get to eat now *_* salvation...

AAAAAAAA TAFEL ANATOMIEEEE ISSS OUTTT NOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.
OMFG.
OMFGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG.

2006-10-13T09:53:00.000+08:00

/.
Watching: Gothikaroid - Vidoll
mood: surprisingly chipper.

I've just read a translation of Asagi sama's recent journal entry...and I've become even more obsessed with him. He is such a compassionate person..and so sweet too.

aaah.

2006-10-11T09:42:00.000+08:00

/.
VOCAL PWNAGE.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xgn2a8Jz9nY

after Asagi sama and Jui and Satsuki of course ^_^
wheeee MM fangirling in the mornings are gooooood. I love this song, it's good live. I can't undersatnd why Klaha doesn't sing live more often,and Shiroi hada ni kuruu ai to kanashimi no rondo is a pretty hard song to sing live. And what really amazes me is that I can actually do this song without much difficulty.

go me =3

yessss i'm in a better mood now. yay me.

see how self-centered I am?
mememememeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~
>DDDDD

2006-10-10T13:42:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to : Mushi - Dir en Grey
Mood: A little pissed

like zomg I think I just got flammed >DDDD
I was like," wtf..??" On some ooooold LJ comment I gave on one of a D community while I was still fangirling over Corvinus.

ahhhhh ya know what bitch?
Screw yourself, I was fangirling. You may a big ol bitch who just loves Asagi just because he can only sing well, so what? I'm a big ol bitch who loves Asagi as a whole. Godammit. Apparently, I give people who have a "passing liking in Japanese music a bad name".

Well bitch, if you haven't already notice, there are thousands of crazy bitches liking guys merely for their looks. Especially Jrockers, since they're exposed through the media and whatever shit, they're a more likely target for female teens to just love but never know who they really are.

I'm not saying I know Asagi personally, but I love his work, and from what I can tell, he has a beautiful mind.
Like wtf you're telling me that I give a bad name to j-music lovers just because I added more random comments along with my fangirling?
I said that the LA band in the vid looked extra. I said they didnt belong. That's it.
WTF is your fucking problem?
-spazzes-
-rolls away-

2006-10-09T14:26:00.000+08:00

/.
watching: 繭月の棺 - D
mood: nyappy!

for the first time ever. kyaaaaa~
more random updates..and fangirling. AAAAA D IS LOVE <3
wonder why the PV version is more sexier than the recorded version...My mp3 died T_T so no music, and Im forced to turn to youtube for music. T_T I can't watch PVs annnnnd read fanfics at the same time.
lol this PV reminds me of when Asagi was still in Je*Reviens..the arm-flailing..xDD he likes playing with his hair ne? aaa minna is so..hot.
rrriiiiiiiiiiight. Now I type like a civilized, coherent person. -laughs- sure. yeah.
Anyways, Lit paper's tomorow, WHICH MEANS IT"S THE LAST PAPER!!! I"LL BE FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE. omfg. Then we're going through the papers =_=/'' how depressing.
Band meeting on Saturday,as well as Hara's birthday celebration <3
whee am counting down.
it turns out I can't possibly save up to go to Japan (unless by some miraculous occurance) y this year, but prolly next year, around spring maybe.
God willing, maybe.
T_T
ah well, I guess I wont be seeing D anytime soon. In the mean time, I'll be a crazy money-saving witch. Sweet >D
My tummy is grumbling, and I still have like 5 more hours till I can break fast. kyaaa.
At least I might get to go to Japan and meet someone I know there >.> oooooooo
she's coming allllll the way from America..so I hope the D boys are doing something >_<

HUZZAH!

2006-10-06T20:53:00.000+08:00

/.
watching: Setsurenka - Lareine
mood: distressed >_< [random post, mostly complaining and fangirling over stuff] Im really starting to love Lareine now. They've just disbanded not too long ago, less than a week ago ne T^T Kamijo's voice..is so...different. When I first heard him I thought he sounded kinda..nasal. xD buuuuuut~ he's good. Especially for balads like Setsurenka. He is so pretty too <3 color="#ff0000" size="5">D IS STARTING THEIR TOUR NEXT WEEK.
OMFG I SO WANNA GO. I hate having debts. T_T
Dad says an economic class ticket is about S$800 to go to Tokyo. Someone on Lj is helping me look the up the dates and everything. aaa.
Apparently, their tour ends two months from now. omfg. I think I can try to save about S$2000 or something. like..alot. T_T
I owe HARU S$90 more! and I have to pay for my CORVINUS or else they'll cancel my order. Someone come accompany me to the post office please T^T Hara is so busy..cant really as her. Mummy also has school..she finishes late. AAA AND SHE SAYS SHE GUNNA TELL HELVANS KEYBOARDIST THAT I LIKE HIM.
O_O i dont. I just said that he was pretty, is all. T_T
I miss my family. T_T (nope, not my real one, my 'family' xDDD)
What's more, I dont have to worry about accomodation, because there's someone on LJ willing to take me in! -dances around- ahah she lives in Tokyo,go figure.

EXAMS ARE ALMOST OVER.
\m/
than im free for the next few weeks X__________X
now im gunna go figure out how to raise a coupla thousand dollars to send my arse off to JAAAPAAAAAANNNN~!!!

:O
hitomi~

2006-10-03T18:43:00.000+08:00

/.
watching: Rentrer en Soi - Bunretsu LE+ DD jinkaku
mood: HUNGRY T_T

like yeah.
I watched Ev's new vid.
Can't say I love it. in fact, I'm thinking, "WTF????" Amy Lee doesn't even sound like Amy Lee, and that song didnt sound Evanescence, it sounded like mainstream rock.

WTFH??!?!?!??!?!?!?

Only when the song went into this whole bridge thing did I recognize her. Love the outfit though. I might just cosplay her red-riding hood thingo one day.
The only other thing that still remained were her lyrics. Too bad I didnt pay that much attention to remember.
I know they're trying out smething new, Amy erself said something about embracing some...newfound.shit..which I forgot cause I read that stupid MTV article like months ago. The Open Door was just releasd today. Yet I couldnt really give a shit.
woo.
Forgive meEvanescence.
T_T
ah well. Im waiting for Tafel Anatomie to come out~
no more Ev. O_O
wow. I actually said it. er..typed it. No more Evanscence for Hitomi. no.
Not if they're gunna continue like this. Something about that song just makes me urkesome and squirm when I hear it. too bad.

:/

2006-09-29T20:00:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to: The flow of time~ out of cradle - Rentrer en Soi
Mood: ....???

I UPPED ASAGI'S PV TODAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY~
And I watched the first few seconds and I was like...O_O
Beside looking as -wow- as usual, I found that I didnt like the PV as much as I thought I would. Granted, I haven't watched the whole thing because I feel so guilty T_T I've forgotten how Corvinus sounds like, except maybe Asagi going, "flying hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh.." and..not much else. I still havent watched the whole thing. AHAHAH.
Asagi looked so...empty without Ruiza and Hidezou at his side. And Tsune chan too. I missed Hiroki in the back. T_T
aaaa okay enough rambling. fuu.

aaa my family is so fucked up.
ahahahah.
AND I WANT NO BOYFRIEND.
T_T
I'll have too many things on my hands even after the exams; LOLIPOP, my new job, and my other resposibilities that have been magically bestowed upoun my royal head.
I DONT WANT A BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW.
or EVER.
MY FAMILY IS FUCKED UP.
MY SOCIAL LIFE ANNOYS ME.
I HAVE A BAND TO TRAIN AND A VOICE TO TAKE CARE OF. I WILL FLUNK MY FINALS.

WHY THE FUCK WOULD I HAVE TIME FOR A BOYFIREND???!?!?

fuck.

And I told myself that if I were to get a boyfriend, he would be a jrocker. Or at least is into jrock or VKei. Or KNOW what Jrock or Vkei is. >_<
Yeah, I have to be a bit shallow to get what I want. COMPREMISE WITH ME PEOPLE XD
woo.

{ and WTF is up with the ticko face at the start of Covinus???? O_o }
{EDIT: I watched it. OMFG his eyes scare me.}

2006-09-24T20:06:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to: Shiroi Yori - D
Mood: Tired

yesh, more Asagi sama. ^_^
I respect him so much. And love him to bits.
Ok, RANT ENTRY. vulgarity galore yo~

Some unknown bimbo flamed me demanding that I stop liking D and Asagi and every single band that he's been in. I then asked what her fucking problem was. She replied my saying that I was the air-headed, superficial bimbo who was clearly only "in love" with Asagi purely based on his looks.

I told her to fuck off, and get a life. I was too lazy and couldnt be bothered to explain myself to her. Why should I anyways?

I respect and love Asagi like crazy. So what's so wrong about that?
ahahah stupid witch. Prolly got nothing better to do than be random and annoying.
8DDD

2006-09-24T16:54:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to: CORVINUS - ASAGI
Mood: Estatic

OMFGGGGGGGGGGG ITS ASAGI SAMAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I so cant wait till mine arrives.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-spazzes-
-dies-

2006-09-23T23:05:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to: FORBIDDEN - D'espairs ray
this song is love
mood: ^_^

headbanging causes a loooooooooooot of damage.
WOO.
Liquidation was fun. But there weren't enough people. Hiru was okay. I like Jen's screamo \m/
REI was good. As usual. But they were the closing band T_T
Veer (sp?) was okay, noob band. Dennis's screamo was good too. He sounded a whole lot like Miku tho. He looks like Saga. O_o;;;
HEADBANG FROM START TO FINISH yo.
Neck, thighs and back hurts like hell now. It's affecting my vocal cords. eecke.
OH, we've been named!
L O L I P O P
lmao, we're not Oshare. noooo i am not the leader of an oshare band. noooooooooo.
i want my voice back. T_T

ps I FINALLY ORDERED CORVINUS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ($30..)
AND Tafel Anatomi!!!!($60....T_T)
see how much my love for D (and Asagi) is. Obsessive. XD

2006-09-17T03:09:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to:[ Suichuuka - Syndrome ] on constant repeat.
Mood: Sleepy. and impatient.

I am addicted to Asagi.
Bwarharhar.
-thinks-
5 more days till the release of Corvinus.I think.
I want that CD.
Asagi's solo.

Damn you DAMN YOU DAMN YOU.
>_<
-twitch-
Need money. Lotsa money.
Wants to pay bill. T_T

aaaaa. It's 3 am and so expect incoherent buuuurrrrbbliigngnggs. ^_^
Anyways, I'll downloading like a couple hundred (at some point) random j-music stuff.
(zomfg, DO I SEE ALICE NINE IN THERE..???)
So yeah. I NEED MORE D. I WANT D PVS.
taking foreeeeeeeeever to load. aaah.
(zomfg!! IT IS!! ALICE NINE!!)

ALICE NINE HAS FALLEN TO THE BENGS!!!!
-runs around screaming-
If D becomes another Beng fad, I'm going to shoot myself.
Okay, I'll stop.
IT'S 3 AM. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT?

random bullshit. oooo random SEXY bullshit.
8DDDD
so...sleepy..
and this was the only way the keep me up.
: /
bleah.
yes, I had a rant, but after staring at the screen and just listening to Asagi sing..I forgot why I even had my blooger update on the screen 8DD

2006-09-15T20:55:00.000+08:00

/.
Listening to: Waisetsu Ningyou - Vidoll
Mood: .....content.

LIKE ZOMG IT'S THE ORGASM SONG!!!!!
8D
damn he gets me on XDD

OH WHAT FUN. I NEED NOISEEEEEEEEEE. T_T
NEED.MORE.NOISE.
WAAAAAAAGH.
T_T

Woo I'm doing my nails- I feel so goddamn girly. XD And heck I love it.
Weeellllllllllllllll this is another rant/whine entry.
ahah Haven't done that in so long. yay I get to do it now ^_^
okok back on ranty-ness.
WTF IS UP WITH MATH.
I FUCKING HATE IT AND I CANT UNDERSTAND SHIT. AND YET YOU'RE STILL TRYING TO CRAM GOD-KNOWS-HOW-MUCH MATH INFORMATION INTO MY OVERLOADED BRAIN???!!?!? LIKE WTF!!!
I'M STUPID OKAY??? I CANT GET SHIT. I SUCK AT ACADEMICS AND YOU KNOW IT.
pppf. I should be smack hard because it's hard for me to say fuck now.
Oh wait, I just did.Yeah, like,
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck
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see, I SAID IT.
8D
I HATE MATH DAMMIT.
HOW THE FUCK AM I GUNNA EVEN PASS..??
I don't want a tuitor, I dom't want a refresher course, I DON'T WANT TO LEARN MATH.
IT FUCKING SUCKS GEDDIT..????
WHY HASN'T IT EVER OCCURED TO ANYONE THAT I COULD JUST BE THAT STUPID..???

I'M REALLY NOT AS SMART AS I CLAIM. like omg she admitted.

I JUST SPEAK BETTER ENGLISH.

-screams-
I got a 8 out of 30 for my Mid year. Yeah.
-claps-
I don't understand that fucking chapter, like the rest of the 'stupid' portion of the class.
I have no idea what the fuck you're blabbing on about, and asking ling for help is like asking me to teach you how to draw. I know it so well I can bloody teach you because I'd be stuck at my own rate and be unable to adjust to your slow speed.
GEDDIT?!?!?
-___________________-

Weeeeeeeeell that wasn't my usual rant, but I just couldn't be arsed to give a shit about typing in proper sentences so that other people, who just might be stupid enough to read this, might understand.

On a lighter and less vulgar note, I need a new name for my band.
Like hello, Bara anna Rousokunoshin (or just Wiku) is just a waaaaaay too long a name for anyone to remember.
Yeah, we just used an onkine traslator XD
It means, directly translated, " Rose of Wick" which actually is, "Rosewick".
But I don't know shit about the Japanese Language and how the grammer works (I'm pretty sure it's rather different from english), hence the retardedness. Anyone who's studied Japanese please do not hesitate to drop me a line. I need a translator desperately >_< Bara to Wiku...??? XDDD We all wanted something with a rose in it XD ahhhh the rose obsession. Never fails to amuse.

see ya round.

-rolls away-

{piccu: Vidoruuu~ I'm not sure if that's the one with Yukine and HIDE...gah. My eyes..are too heavy to see proper}

2006-09-11T17:13:00.000+08:00

/.

OIIIIII PEOPLE I FINALLY ARSED MYSELF TO LISTEN TO X JAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN~

AAAAA AND THEY RAAAAAAAAAAAWK

LIKE WHOAAAAAAAAAA

CELEBERATIIIIONNNNNNNNNN YOOOOOOO~
XDDD

Okok I'm done. BUT DUUUUUUUUUUUDE THEY RAWK SO MUCH

ahaah Yoshiki and his double pedals. AAAHAHA I WILL KILL HARA SEMPAI WITH DOUBLE PEDALLING!!!
XDD
It's decided-
X JAPAN IS CRAZY BIG HAIRED LOOOOOOOOOVE.

and jrockers and vkei guys really are just plain cute little dorks at heart. that's why they're so lovable X33

ahaah Fangirl moment over.
Now to go watch more X JAPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAN~

ahah yeshyesh I am like soo ecke. aaahahahah I finally listen to X Japan.
YESH FINALLY.

I intended to rant, but after watching X's chessy Celebration PV, I forgot because I was just laughing my ass off too much. LIKE WHOA.
XD

Okay, off to attempt to do my homework, watch more X PVs and more Syndrome PVs too.
woo

have a nyappy day~

2006-09-10T20:38:00.000+08:00

/. the last kiss.

Listening to: Rentrer en Soi - Last word
mood: fragile.

I just feel fragile.
Terribly,terribly fragile.
Life is more hectic, and yet I'm not doing much to stable any of my insecurities, like my school work.
I really just couldn't give as much a damn as I used to. I somehow preferred it when hatred had became my sole motivation.
But now, love, ironically, has become my sole motivator.
Love for my family.
Love for (what's left of) my friends at school.
Love for my sempais.
But alas, that love isnt enough to sustain my being.
I feel hatred for myself.
I hate that I just couldnt give that much of a damn.
I hate that I'm not even trying to do much to help myself succeed in anything.
Except failing.
That love is all that sustains me.
To move on forward.
But that love feels like a burden as well.
If I fail, I not only fail myself.

I fail the only amount of love that will ever sustain me.
And I'll fail those that are sustained by that very same love.

see ya on the bright side.

2006-09-07T19:31:00.000+08:00

/.random updates

Listening to: Byakura ni Kuro Neko - Alice Nine
Mood: uh. soo many emotions at once.

bad thingos:
OMG I'M BREAKING OUT.
like everywhere.ewww.
And I think I got darker too.
So does not help with my skin tone.
>_<
and ew i need to shave.
XDDDDD

good thingos:
My throat's getting better, and my voice is getting stronger.
hoorah.
Unfortunately, I have found that although it is stronger and more bassy, like I wanted, I can't seem to continue like that throughout the entire song. How sad. T_T
edit: today I have no voice. AWAHAH. T^T
I was recording myself doing Kuroi Hanazono yesterday, and my voice becomes distorted when it's the part where the vocals go uuup.
oh woo hoo.
Like, when the sound is too loud then your speakers just go beeaxasdadaskj~!!! when you hear it.
=^_^=
-nyappiness-
ahah.

Oh yeah, my eyebrows are just too thin to be plucked. I've already plucked them to hell anyways. AHAHA.
Don't take that seriously.
seriously.
DON'T.

I'm busy today ne..?
I've got 2 or 3...? fanfics to finish typing out, more vocal abuse, and my missing history assingment. meh.

I wanna play with my makeup now.
take care fuckers

2006-09-03T01:00:00.000+08:00

/. MERRYMAKING

LIKE HELL TODAY WAS SOOO FUN.
but it was, really.
Why do you think I'm playing such a piece of hyperactivity like Merrymaking at god-knows-what-oclock..?

Got up at 830 am. Slept the previous night at about 3 am. like yay. Ahhah. Was late..but meet up with Hara and kero at hougang. so fun.
We were all hyper. HOORAH.

Now I'm too tired to really give details. @______@ BUT lookit all teh piccus I got~

AHH Our drinks. Mine's the milo. Hara's is the green tea. Kero's is the coke. OH THE IRONY.
the shortest person gets the tallest cup. AHAHAH.

MINE~!!!!!!!!!<333

LEADER SAMA~!!!!!!

aka sleepy.
<3

LIKE OMG REITA NESS.

hara, kero, Yuki (Harmatia's vocalist), Kai, and Miakaaa~

ALL BEING REITA~!!!

WAAA.
the only piccu we got only the 3 of us. waaaa.
super blurry.
THANKS to hara sempai for buying my hat for me~

Aha. My throat went to hell by the way. I hope it has a great time.

2006-09-01T21:11:00.000+08:00

/.Kuroi Hanazano

I've thought about a million things in the last few days.
School...
friends...
family...
....the usual.
And a whole bunch of other crap.
Like how much I hate people.
And how much I wanted to just go up to them and just slap their goddamned faces.
.....the usual,really.

After that my thoughts all just go to hell with the whole depressive crap.
WAGAAHAHAHAHADGSH. I think too much. But it's true.
Tomorow's the audition. I get to see my sempais again. Not too long ago I remember feeling absolutely high, on some foreign emotion I have yet to understand.
Now I feel nothing.
ahaahah. I'm such a fucker.
I was worrying about what I wanted to wear tomorow. Now I couldn't give a shit. Whoopee.
I'm skipping that retard school event tomorow. Hope it's worth it.

Anyways, been posting stuff on my livejournal. Doubt that there's anything interesting there.

I'm having a blogger's block. Like wth.

I've gotta wake up early tomorow. Might as well not sleep.

But for the sake of my sempais...gah.-wishes for something better-

I don't know how I should feel now. I don't know what I feel.

The divorce, my fucked up social life, my own hypocritical discrimination...
What the hell do you want me to feel?
I've lost all interest in my academics. Anyone surprised..? Don't think so.
I can't give a shit about going into Art Stream,or getting into Nafa or Laselle for that matter.Not at the moment.
I just don't give a shit anymore.
I now find it very ironic that I was listening to such hyperness like Wagamama Koushinyouku at the beginning of this entry to listening to such sadness like Kuroi Hanazano.

ahah.

I'm a stupid fucktard.

{ piccu: me. yeah, Seletar Photoshoot. Yayness. Kinda old. Like, a few months old. eww I'm as fat as ever. }

2006-08-31T01:39:00.000+08:00

/. Taiyo wo Hohuru Hi

"As I am alive,...I take delight, not in the death of the wicked one, but in that someone wicked turns back from his way and actually keeps living.

Gotta love em smexay Engrrrish. Yea.

Hell. I loved the PV. like WOAAAAAAAA.
Tsune chan ish sho preettie. RUI IS PRETTY. Hide zou is smexay. <33 Hiroki is unusually sober. O_O Tsune chan's thighs are LOVE. Asagi kun was great as usual ^_______^ the only problem was that he had a weird white coat thingy on. So weird looking. But his HAIR. teh Love. His vocals still don't fail to impress me. AHAHAHA. Another thing I founf bothersome was that his face was very stiff. not expressive enough. He's trying though. in the end bits. aaha you can see his eyebagges. I find that so human. yay =)) He has the cutest smile.
I feel like cosplaying Tsune chan's outfit. So prerrrtie.
-melts-
-fangirl mode- aahahaha.
-feels sleepy-
mehmehmehmeh.
Today was the performance yea. Bout 140 am now. Dunnoe If I'll wake up to go to school tomorow. pleah.

2006-08-29T21:36:00.000+08:00

/. LIKE, OMFG, CAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAKE~

OMFGOMFGOMFG
I NEARLY FOOOOOOOORGOT~!!!

TODAY IS ASAGI KUN'S BIRTHDAY.

NEARLY FORGOT.
OMFG.

a giganto piccu is in order.

like damn, the piccu is tiny. ><

I will find a better way to get it bigger.
Just did. But it looks distorted. >_<

anyways,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ASAGI KUN

{am hoping I didn't get his birthday wrong...}

2006-08-27T19:00:00.000+08:00

/. Dangan

YESTERDAY WAS FUCKKING AWESOME.

yea baby.

{ hara, kat , kero, hitomi }

2006-08-24T21:22:00.000+08:00

/. yeah wadever. eww.

Oh yay, new habit. Putting pictures of my favourite people. WOO.

FUCKING ELDDS. larrrr. ahah.

PISSED ME OFF. but I must remain calm. I did. like woo.

I really want to kill something,but something's wrong with my hand. >_<

(piccu: Nao,A9, Drummer)

2006-08-24T00:03:00.000+08:00

/. like mmkay.

LIKE YEAH BABY. It's the pink haired fetish. YEAH.

ahaha.
Presenting WAKA from Danger*Gang, the only other female ( yes, this one is ACTUALLY A GIRL) that actually rocks.. Unlike Kana. ecke. aha.
and Inugami Circus Dan's vocalist. I don't know her name though..but they are the only two at the moment who totally rock. YEAAAAAAH. I need more pink-hairness. -goes off to watch The Final-

2006-08-22T21:01:00.000+08:00

/. EDEN

yes, it's D. Now stop asking. :P

I'VE DECIDED WHAT SONG I'M GONNA DO~
EDEN.

ahah you surprised...? Don't be. I'm just that obsessed with D. Now all I need are the guitar tabs, drum tabs, bass tabs, and the lyrics. As well as the song itself. I think I'll have to get the song burnt into a CD then.

EDEN REVIEW
duration: 4:27
comments: Let's start out with Asagi's vocals. THEY WERE AMAZING as usual. They're not as strong as they were on God's Child, but not that soft either. I still love the deep vibrato that he posses. It's just so lovable. This song is rather "old", but I really like it. It uses minimal layering for the vocals. Then again, D doesn't do that much vocal layering. Great harmonizing on the last bit. He doesn't utilize his falsetto like the one in Yami Yori Kurai Doukoku no a Capella to Bara Yori akai Jonetsu no aria. Everyone knows Asagi's voice makes me melt. IT SERIOUS DOES. aha. This song is fairly upbeat, but posses an element of....mystery to it I guess, because I can't seem to describe that certain feeling. A small feeling of somberness I guess. D seems pretty androgenous with some of their songs.Some parts of the song may seem like it'll be slowing down, but it really doesn't.
Now, the instrumental play. I could just imagine Hiroki's face while playing the intro. Making those cute faces that he does...makes me laugh. Hide-zou and Ruiza have done a sweet job on the guitar play. The bass line in this song is incredibly sexy, but I'm still in the dark as to who played. Rena I think. hm yeah. The intro's pretty headbangable. The music in this song isn't too strong, but it ain't soft. Makes me wanna get up and dance. As I haven't found a translation for this song as of yet, I can't judge much on that. But with what I've seen so far, Asagi really measures up to standard with his lyrics.
Overall,this song's really good.
9/10
Could've been stronger though. But then again, it might affect the effect the song has on its listener. This song's pretty sing-a-long-ish because Asagi doesn't go too high, and it can still be sung by people like myself who are absolutely tone-deaf. Still singable IMO. That's why I picked it. hooray.

SHIROI YURI REVIEW
duration: 5:29
comments: This song starts out soft. I think D is using the twin guitar effect here. A bit of strumming done by either Ruiza or Hide-zou, and then Hiroki comes in with the drums. Asagi's voice makes it's presence known by its eerie and distinct sound. I felt shivers run up and down my spine. Very melodic intro, accompanied by Asagi's operatic vocals. A very simple drum line and uber sexy bass line..and Asagi's vocals. aha, okay, no more being biased. The instrumental play is soft, not interferring or overwriting Asagi's vocals. The drums line is toe-tappable. This song makes me sway...literally. Like from side to side. The guitars in this song remind me of the old glamerous days of well, glam rock. Like, uber emo Guns and Roses. ahaha.There's a really sweet guitar solo in here, but I'm not sue who does it. Asagi goes up and down in this one, not too high either. Still pretty singable, if you're brave enough to take it on.
Toward the end Asagi utilizes his falsetto though. This part is my favourite bit. It simply just gives me the chills. oooOo
Overall, this song's pretty okay.
7/10
Not my favourite. But it's ending gets me all the time. And it's very melodic, so it's recommeded for easy listening. The ending somehow makes me wanna cry sometimes. So much emotion..on Ruiza's and Hide-zou's part too. Hiroki and Rena (? I'm pretty sure Rena was still with the band)

ahaahha too tired to write anymore. eh..type. I'm updating my LJ at the same time. my. fingers. are. soooooooooore.

pfft.

2006-08-21T19:47:00.000+08:00

/. Gate to the Sky.

yesh it's D again.

This time I'm in a better mood. So no need to worry. ^_^
Well, I GOT THAT GAB MAG WITH D ON ITS COVER. yeah baby.
annnnnnnnnnd 3 flyers.

So pweetie...:3333
-is still fangirling-

Haaaa guys..I decided to try for a vocalist role in a band auditioning for band members. WAAAAA~

I can't sing to save shit. HAHAHA SO EXTRA SIA~
-pardon the singlish that ~~will~~ might continue to appear at random times in this post..I am still fangirling.-

But yeah, I still trying out. For fun~

It's been a long time since I actually sang for real. Cool ; )
but the jamming session's in September..see if I can wait that long.

ooo kay, I can go for the Iron Sakura Rock Bash~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haha now gotta study for real. pfft.

suuuuuuuuuuuure. that'll happen.

suuuuuuuuuuure.
But must still try ne..?

Yay...throughtout my entire day I replayed EDEN in my head over and over again...I realized that D's got a lot of good songs to emo to.
XDDDD
So dream-like. I hail Asagi. I friggin love the man. ^_______________^

I'll write a review for a couple of their songs once I'm in the mood. ^_^

ONTO A RANDOM TAG-THINGY FOUND ON THE INTERRRRRRRNET~!!!!

You wake up in the morning and find Asagi sleeping next to you. So, what do you do?
....you will never hear of the amazing things in heaven.

While you are doing that, Asagi wakes up! What do you do?
FREAK. and then ask for his permission to continue ^_^

What specialty of yours would you want to cook for Asagi ?
can't cook. this maybe -- wooo chocolate covered roses. Yeah. umm.

You get to go on a drive with Asagi ~ where to?
Anywhere. As long as I'm with him <333>Asagi to say to you?
"I love you. Don't leave me. ever." -haha I am not a hopeless romantic...-

Asagi says he will sing one song for you! What song?
EH~So many good songs..EDEN maybe..? Taiyo wo houhuru hi..?? Yami yori kurai dokoku no a capella to bara yori akai jonetsu no aria..?? Sleeper...?? Shiroi Yoru...??Kanan~ yakusoku no chi...?? too many good ones...ya know what, as long as it's about his love for me it should be okay XDDDDDDDDDDD

Asagi says he will do one thing for you! Time limit of five minutes!
-raises eyebrow- love me. like, reeeeeeeeeeally love me. Oo yeah.

You can do one thing for Asagi. Time limit of five minutes~
I will do whatever my kami sama asks of me.

What is the one thing you want to say to Asagi?
too many things actually. I wish for the best in his future, and hope that D will continue to be the great band as they are now, and continue to make good records. yeah. and~ I LOVE YOU. MARRY ME. XDDD lol kidding.

watashiwa...aishiteru...

2006-08-20T05:13:00.000+08:00

/. SAKU

Now I feel fucking pissed. And sad. Just a whole flurry of emotions.

i hate emotions.

why feel sad?
Because I now posses the fear of Dir en Grey disbanding. After getting so much information about how drastic their fanbase has declined, it really makes you think.
why feel angry?
Because the people who call themselves fans have left them just because DEG changed. ok fine. Alot more reasons. I'm just pissed...I can't discribe anything.
Why feel happy?
I'm not feeling happy at the moment. Okay, maybe it's just a mixture of being angry and sad.

I wish I could scream like kyo.

I'm also feeling sad for some other reason. I haven't seen him around lately..much less talk to him. I don't know what I am to him, or what he is to me. He used to be someone I trusted my life with, someone who'd always be there for me. But I don't know what happened.

I wish I knew.

I get the feeling that he doesn't want to be around me, or doesn't want me being around him. It's makes me feel so utterly alone not having him to talk to now. I wonder sometimes whether he ever thought of me, like he used. He used to always be the one to comfort me the best way he could.

But I don't know what happened. Did I push him away..? Or did he push me away..? Have I changed so much that he couldn't possibly handle me anymore..?

It makes my heart break to think so badly of him. Why did I lose him?

But did I?

Because, heck, it sure felt like it did.

If he's reading this, he'll never know. Because we've lost connection too.

I'm sorry Oni.
But you really meant that much to me.
I feel sad that you will never know.
I can still cry alone, wondering about the grievances of my life, and not have you there to tell me that it's going to be okay.

Why?

Because I don't really have anyone else that does that anymore.

Why?

Because I've lost her too.

I've lost them.
I'm just that pathetic to have loved two people so much, that, when they start to disappear, it hurts me more than it should.

I'm a fucktard for believing.

Yeah, I am.

I don't really know what to do anymore. I could say sorry to her now, but blow up at her the next day and never want to talk to her again.
4 years down the drain.

Because at the moment, I don't think we have a sustanable friendship at all. Much less being best friends forever.

She'd know if she read this.

I don't think I can stand the thought of making her feel hurt again, help her heal her wounds just so I could open them again.
Now I know how truly weak I really am. I cripple just because two more people have just faded away, leaving too many memories for me to really absorb. So much so that tears aren't really enough. It was never enough.

no.

maybe I'm just better off without friends.

Better off without brothers.

Better off without sisters.

better off alone.

2006-08-20T00:17:00.000+08:00

/. Vampire Missa.

WOO MORE D. YEAH BABY.

-folder is bombarded with pictures-

like, YAY. {like..???O_O}
riiiiight. ahem. More RPG-ing. yay.
I LOVE them more now. and yay, kel sent me Yami yori kurai dokoku no a capella to bara yori akai jonetsu no aria. shankyuu~

I sing for you.

2006-08-17T21:39:00.000+08:00

/. Sleeper.

{JOO HAF BEEN FORWARMED. hah fore warned larrrrrr. THIS ENTRY IS PURE BULL AND SHOULD NOT BE READ BY PEOPLE WHO HATE D/OR ANY OF ITS MEMBERS. OR RABID FANGIRLS. shankyuu~}

I've just realized my love for Asagi/D had just gotten stronger.

OMFG I'M NOW A FRIGGING. STALKER.

ooooo yeah. XD

HAHA lol no. I'm still new to D anyways, and I still don't know much about them. Stuff like their previous line-ups and stuff, I can't name on command. I can only do with the current one (Which is vo:ASAGI gui:RUIZA gui: HIDEZOU ba: TSUNEHITO and drums: HIROKI)

yeah I really want more D.
NOW.
-goes on a D spree-

haha this means I won't make time for any other band.
{ GOMEN NE ANTIKKU~!!!! RENTRER!! VIDORUU~!! AND-AND!!! T__________T
I STILL REMEMBER YOU!!}
haha. Song on current repeat: LOVE IS SACRIFICE. wooo.
Asagi's vocals are sexy as hell. MHmmmmHm.

Hehe I just cleared away like ALOT of my old pictures just to make way for the tidal wave of D pictures I'm gonna save. I feel sad for them. -_- LIKE OMFG -dies- THERE. ARE. FOUR. PAGES. WORTH. OF. D. PICTURES. -screams until she's hoarse-
{pardon the fangirl mood}
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH~!!!!!!!!!!!!
-is dead-

-TIDAL WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAVE~!!-

-revived-
I swear, if Asagi EVER chops off allllllllllllll his hair and NEVER wears red contacts again, I'm gonna fukkin kill myself.
-wooo D is the light in my darkness. LMAO~
- 15 minutes later-
I've come to a conclusion!!

All the D members are cute. They're a rather genki bunch judging by the Making of Sleep vid. LMAO.

haha -remembers bad fanservice-
Ok, they've gotta work on that.

-bounces off the walls-
D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!D!~
Yay. More D love. XDDD
ooo sudden influx of D pics. O.o Ah well. I love them more.^__________________^

haha I am one happy fan.

<333333

2006-08-17T21:17:00.000+08:00

/. DAYS~

bis.

haha more Oshare for me. Tsukasa is yummy too...I'm begining to have a pink-haired fetish. XD
And yeah, had a good day. Terrible ELDDS practice though. Not in the mood to perform anymore.
-_-
and yay I am loved.
Shankyuu everyone. <333333
Appreciate it.

2006-08-16T23:09:00.000+08:00

/.

yay .
I got to talk to debbie. ^_^

and yay____________.
Kero sempai cheered me up. ^_^

oh! I also joined the D rating community but I haven't posted anything yet. -crosses fingers- hopefullyI'll get my Asagikun..<3333333333

yay I end today in a slightly happier mood.

woo hoo.

2006-08-16T16:19:00.000+08:00

/.

haha finally post.

Been in a bad mood since forever last week.
But my hermit days have been slighter better.(ie..online) Been talking to Kero, Hara, Miaka and Kai alot. RPG-ing. yay.
Kinda miss them. T______________T
Wish I could go meet em..Hahah maybe during the Sakura Iron Rock Bash. If I can even go. -_- ||
~~My hotmail's flooded with maessages.Couldn't be bothered to clear it. hmph.~~
finally done that shit.

I've only found ~~two~~ THREE ways of cheering myself up, besides listening to D/Vidoll/An Cafe/any other vkei band i can't think of at the moment, which are

+ talking to my sempais
+ emoing (kyaa it's not happy but I'm content)
+ and bitching.

kay. Yeah.

BUT today FIZAH and SOFEEYAH gave me a pair of PINK EARRINGS! <3333>_< style="font-weight: bold;">NOT HER FAULT. I pushed her away. Still am sometimes. She's been nothing but a good friend to me. She bought me those earring because I'd once said that I'd wanted pink earrings. (hm..Oshare-er image des...)
Sofeeyah too. I'm pushing her away. not becuase I hate her, but because I don't feel like I'm connected to her anymore.

it's the same with everyone else.

I haven't spoken to Azri in like FOREVER. -sighs-
And the worst part is, I don't even feel like calling her.
I'm a bad person. I know that though.

I don't even talk to Debbie anymore. Or rather, hardly. For one thing, all we can talk about now is BOYS. I get sick of it sometimes. I know she's got guys lusting after her, but I really don't wanna hear it sometimes. And Sara, Debbie's best friend is not allowing any time for me with Debbie. (SARA, IF YOU ARE READING THIS I AM JUST ASSUMING.)
yeah I hate it when people assume things about me, but heh. I'M A HYPOCRITE. whacha gonna do..?

I don't even talk alot to Hanu now. He's with Joan now..so I'm left alone again.

Why should that be a problem? I spent the a few months by myself before, and I made it. heck, it was the turning point for me.SO WHY THE HELL IS IT AFFECTING ME???

oh yeah, the fucking divorce.

Oh fuck yeah.

2006-08-13T20:05:00.000+08:00

/.

I really want rant. But I'm not in the mood. -sigh-

there's school tomorow. -_-

I wanna go meet Kero sempai and Hara sempai~ we'll go shopping!
hiaz. Nice things to look forward to.

Dad's going to work to morow, long flight. That means gramma's gonna be here like ALL THE TIME. >_<

Hm, I'm gonna go draw now. Hopefully I'll post the pics up somewhere. If I ever finish em.

-_-

I'm too tired to hate.

2006-08-13T05:59:00.000+08:00

/.

waaaaaaaaaaaa. ~

I miss Kero sempai.

TT______________________TT

2006-08-10T21:28:00.000+08:00

/. Updates

waa..never blogged. Meh.

9 AUGUST

/. HAPPY NATIONAL DAY~

Went to see my uncle. He'd just came back from surgery. This was what I wore

BUT gramma and dad din't like it so I had to change. GAH. Oh, my uncle's fine ^^ yay
I liked this outfit . -sighs-
Went to go out at McDonald's with my brother.

I find him incredibly bishie in this one.

I want apple pie..

AND TODAY~!!

I went out with my mum. I scared her. ^^

Waaaaa I make a lousy ganguro . T_________T
full outfit:

I didn like it much...cos it made my waist look H U G E. pah, plus, I had a pink poncho on.

I didn get to meet Miaka sempai or Hara sempai T_T or my LING~ >< kahaaaaaa...I emo-ed all the way home. I miss Asagi T_____________T

Haha Miaka sempai is made with Gakku.

oh, I LOVE TEAPARTIES~!!!!!!!!

2006-08-08T23:38:00.000+08:00

/. rainbow.

bleh today is "that time".

prepare for the mood swings.

BUCK BUCK BAKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY~!

2006-08-06T21:54:00.000+08:00

/. rawr.

I'm pissed.

And nobody likes a pissed hitomi-chan.

2006-08-06T17:48:00.000+08:00

/. GAZE.

I wanna cosplay. NOW.

-_-

YAY i finally have batteries. Now I can camwhore ^^ *ish happie*
now for make up tests! Bleh me go shower first ne...???

h i t o mii-chan wants to go out and meet Hara sempai and Kero sempai. But they ish buseh. Oso tomolo got school Mehmehmeh damned Engrish.

2006-08-06T02:28:00.000+08:00

/. meh

PROTOPLASM. I was listening to it all the way home. Reminded me that I couldn't give a shit about things. hm. But no one's really complaining ne..?

Went out. Didn get my gloves. Or boots. Fuck.

Didn meet Kero sempai or Hara sempai. Went with Kai and Miaka instead. Had fun. Whee..we slacked and shit. I sound like Klaha XDDDD SHIROIIII HADA NI KURUUUUUUUUUUUU~

Miaka is one sexy biatch. XDDDD
lol
MIAKA I HAF LINKETH JOO =D

bleh I'm sleepy. Watching Ouran.
Feel like chaning the layout again. haha..so fickled.

mou...shankyuu Hara sempai for teh AYAbie and Arisou ^^

return to one's self.
~~rentrer en soi~~

2006-08-02T18:22:00.000+08:00

/. where's the fortunate future...?

Wah..didn't go to school again. Went out with dad and Aziz. I walked around the lingirie section and I saw pretty strippy arm warmers on the mannequin. I gasped. Found em and dad got em for me. Plus a pair of neon pink above-knee strippies. WOOHOO~!

But I feel so bad making him pay for my stuff...He's such a good dad to me..so from now on, I WILL NOT BACK SAS HIM. lmao. I'll be a good daughter and studystudySTUDY so that I'll get good grades and make him proud. Haiz.

Meepu.

I am now addicted to Ouran High. gah.

Oh, finally some Vidoruu~! I got it off Limewire which took forever! I finally got Remind Story..I love that song..Got a few more..

Today was overall okay, except that dad's feeling abit under the weather. Hope he gets better!

(this was a veryveryvery genki post now wasn't it..??) -_- I'm losing my touch.

KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE!

2006-08-01T21:51:00.000+08:00

/. Haru -chaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan~!!

Whee! Ouran is fun.

2006-08-01T21:32:00.000+08:00

/. elisa.

yesh I'm obsessive.

Still no Vidoll songs. T___________T
I WANT VIDORUU~!!!!

2006-08-01T01:25:00.000+08:00

/. meet me after dark..

Yesh an early post. so sue me.
MORE RANDOM JROCK!!
I still want Vidooruu~!!!!
I like Remind Story.Jui can hit those high notes...BUT NO ONE BEATS ASAGI!! Nah..Jui's falsetto is good on its own....find it very cute.He's so cute bouncing around! ^^and his HAIR~!! *shiny..*
I want the lyrics to Elisa...Jui and his spasms..cute.X33

I WANT THE FRIGGIN LYRICS TO PROTOPLASM. I want more Rentrer..but alas,I haven't a sponsor. Ah well.

yeshyesh it is THAT early in the morning.

it's not real but it's safe.
maybe tonight..we'll fly so far away..
we'll be lost before the dawn.

2006-07-31T19:58:00.000+08:00

/. WAKE UP YOU'RE DEAD.

I HAVE NO SCHOOL TOMOROW!!!

i repeat. : NO SCHOOL TOMOROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Why am I so happy..?I don't know XD

I feel bad for not blogging. Damned habit. Ive got looong overdue homework to do...gah.Dad's been getting more crap from mum..apparently I'm misbehaving. DUM DUM DUM. wth, larrrrr.

On my randomized, minimized JRock/Vkei scene:
Been trying to memorize the romanji to "Gate to the sky" to no avail. I know so little D...sigh. I failed at trying to remember Mayutsuki no Mitusgi, only the last bit's that in Romanian. Oh look, now I'm blabbling. blehblehbleh KERU YOU MUST SEND ME MORE D! XD but he's very busy..-_-
Got more Gazette songs from Kai. She got more Rentrer songs from me. ^^
I WANT VIDOLL. someone gimme Vidoruu~!!!!
Jui's voice is yum-meh. So are his lips.Mmm.
Kero sent me loadsa Antikku. SHE'S STILL GOTS MORE~!! methinks.
(actually that was some time back....just felt a need to post that)
My JRock/VKei sponsors..whee.
oh, HANU YOU MUST SEND ME MOI DIX MOIS!!
Haven't had time to download their stuff. hm.

On my Shinya cosplay:
Nope. No change. Still haven't gone out to go look for my stuff. meh.

On my school stuff:
Yesh the wrath of overdue homework. GAH. I have a painting to get started on...O.o
And tile murral thingies to complete. But they're in school ha so I don't give a shit. XD
My teacher just suffered from a miscarrige. I'm really proud to say I know her, simply because she refuses to come into class looking sad and depressed when she knows we'll be affected by it. I think my eyes watered when she said that, immdiately, infact. hm. We were given some assignment about what would be you're greatest gift or something like that, and I wrote "my family back together". Wrote a bit more and then stopped. Ended it with saying" all i want is my family. But it's just too much to ask for. I can only wait and pray". I hate my emo-ness.

On everything else:
I need to save $138 by the end of August. All for my boots. crap. I'm attempting to starve myself at school to save whatever I have. I've got $20 for my lace gloves <33

that's about it for today.

2006-07-28T23:32:00.000+08:00

mehmehmeh I'm going to Johore for the weekend.

mehmehmeh.NO INTERNET FOR 3 DAYS.

I'm going to die.

mehmehmehmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeh.

2006-07-24T18:56:00.000+08:00

/. iishROTTINGin-her-ownDESPAIR.

Yeah, I normally don't do those kinda titles but hey..I ran out of titles.
Yes, I am rotting in despair. This entry is mostly ranting about how sucky everything is going, and how stupid and pointless being me is.

First off I wanna say how stupid everything seems to me now. My Diru team is still falling apart, even before it began. Okayokay, I'm exaggerating. I just lost my Kaoru..she's intending to do another Diru cosplay..and so she won't be joining us. So this meant Kaoru and Die are still remaining...
I just feel a little bit disappointed and discourged by this. Even a little stress I find, nowadays, unbearable. I don't know why. I miss being cold and stable. My mind is being stretched far too thin, and my past hurt has just amounted to a huge pile. My heart aches for some reason, and I feel faint. I can't breathe properly sometimes, and sometimes I can't think straight. I don't know what's wrong with me.

Maybe you do.
Don't think so.

And another thing that I want to say is, I HATE MYSELF.
Haha..actually, I don't. I love being myself, and I love my mind. Most of the time. I love my body, I love my spirit.But I do dislike the darkness of my skin..>< Gives me limited choices on who to cosplay. Haha..a dark-skinned, big-boobed Shinya. AH, screw you. X3

Okok, I'm serious now. (pfft..as if.)
Anyways. I had an odd incident today. A friend of mine started talking about arm warmers during Science. I was kinda happy that he even knew what they were called. So I talked to him for a bit, Hanuram gladly joining. When he,(the friend) asked about where to get them, I flinched. And I made it so obvious that he couldn't miss it. He saw me I think, but chose to ignore me. Hanuram told him where to get it and stuff..He asked Hanu to get it for him since he couldn't. All this while I got really pissed for some reason and sat there scribbling over and over again in the same spot. Drawing my pen over and over again in that spot seemed to tell them that I was pissed. It made me think; if a norm like my friend were to wear things like arm warmers and stuff that norms define as "freaky", "stupid" and "lame" (or any other adjactive you can think of), they'll start calling "freaks" like me when I go out decked in said things and be labelled a "poser". gr.

I explained this to Hanu in shushed tones in broken Malay,and he understood. He told our friend that you had to dress like a Goth/Punk/Lolita to be able to enter the shop and purchase its items! LMAO and he believed him! But I was still pretty pissed at the guy for even asking. I didn't talk to him for the rest of the day.

We'll see how things turn out tomorow. XDDDD

Yesyes..pettypetty me.....

Such trivial matters and yet I whine and grumble.

Thank you and good night America.

2006-07-23T17:35:00.000+08:00

/. theBORED

This whole (okay fine, mostly..) post is entirely typed out of boredom and APPLE JUICE!! (my love..)

I FINALLY HAVE DECIDED TO DO!!!!! (er..cosplay. -_-' too bad..)
Yesh, ladies and gentlemen, I AM GOING TO DO SHINYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA~!!!
^^ Yay.

I've already got my KYO...waaaaaaaaaaa~!! Hara-sempai's doing him .(!) And Miaka's doing Totchi~!!! WOHOOOOOOO!!

So, this adds a coupla more things to my to-do list for the next few months. Gah.
1. LOSE WEIGHT.
-we cannot have a fat Shinya neeeeeee..??
2. GO HUNTING FOR MATERIAL!!
-yesh. Shall make an outing of this. Bring Hara,Kero,Kai..Yay. Shall meet Hara and Kero for the first time. ^^
3.MAKE THE OUTFIT DUUUUUUUUUUUUUH~!!
-doh.
4. uh....can't think of anything...XDDDDD

THREE DOWN, TWO TO GO!!!
now GIVE KAO-KUN AND DIE-SAMA SOME LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVEEE!!!!!!
pleaswe.<3333

<333 Shinya

2006-07-20T20:14:00.000+08:00

/. the PANDA-FIED

Yesh, I am panda-fied.

My Geography and English teacher are leaving. Mr Luo (the geog teacher) is going on to Universaty. Ms Suraiya is going to NIE.

And a whole buch of crap which I forgot because it got erased. ><

WHY IS EVERYONE LEAVING???

Hm. Well, I can't go for the photoshoot. One thing, I'M STILL GROUNDED on account of my phonebill. Well, I had to get a punishment in some way. -__-' Another thing is that I'm going to be in Johore for the rest of the weekend. GAH.

Now for random quizzes.

3 YEARS AGO

how old were you?
11

what grade year were you in?
primary 5

where did you go to school?
Haig Girls'

where did you work?
In my own twisted works...in the darkest corner of my room as usual.

where did you live?
Tampines.

how was your hair style?
Really looooooooooong.

did you have braces?
nope.

did you wear glasses?
yeah

who was your best friend?
Azri

who was your boyfriend/girlfriend.
..i went to an ALL GIRL'S SCHOOL.

who was your celebrity crush?
Tom Felton

how many tattoos did you have?
none

how many piercings did you have?
2

what car did you drive?
no car.

what was your favorite band/group?
Linkin Park

what was your worst fear?
I was reckless. I FEARED NOTHING.

had you smoked a cigarette yet?
eww..no.

had you gotten drunk or high yet?
no

had you driven yet?
no.

had you been to a real party yet?
yupps.

had your heart broken?
no

**NOW.....

how old are you?-14

where do you go to school?
skss

where do you live?
In my mind

where do you hang out?
Everywhere. Usually in Compasspoint.

how is your hair style?
shoulder length, fridge covering half my face

do you have braces?
no.

do you wear glasses?
DON'T REMIND ME

who is your best friend?
Azri. Debbie. Hanuram.

still talk to any of your old friends?
yeah

who is your celebrity crush?
ASAGI~!! SHINYA~!!!

who is your regular-person crush?
I DO NOT HAVE A LOVE LIFE I KILLED IT.

how many piercings do you have?
2

how many tattoos?
none

what kind of car do you drive?
i cant drive n i'm still 14.

what is your favorite singer/group?
at the moment...eh...Can't decide. Malice Mizer...Dir en Grey..eh.

have you smoked a cigarette?
no. Cigerettes make me choke.

have you gotten drunk or high?
On sugar/redbull

have you been to a real party?
no..if your definition is underage drinking and partying. I don't party.

that was stupid.

Miyavi = teh SMEX.

2006-07-18T21:59:00.000+08:00

/. the LISTLESS

I'm back. Yay..my prayers were answered...Mum dropped the case. But she's going to court -again- to file for the custardy of us. (again..I apologize for my poor spelling skills) More crap on the way.

I don't know what I'm feeling now. Sometimes I feel drained, exhausted, and like just crying. I feel...odd. Positively odd. Was in a slump all day. Wrote a strange story for English essay due tomorow. Still not finished ><>usual),

On a lighter note, I may be appearing on Sunday for a photosoot. This calls call for STREETWEAR, GL, PUNK and they said they don't mind Goth. So I'll prolly just be going in my usual black thingies.^^ Yay. But I haven't told dad...grr. Need to get some contacts from there...Anybody from sg..??? help..meep.

here's the thread if you're interested. : {link}

Nope, still emo-ing.
Damn..I need to change the layout.
><

2006-07-17T21:59:00.000+08:00

/. the INTROPERSECTIVE.

Yessh. I'm beeeing emooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo.

Dad's going back to court for some stupid case mum filed against him. What an asshole. She already got her fucking divorce..what more does she want..???

*sighs* I hate my life right now. Feeling so emo for the past few days..I honestly felt like crying at the most inconvinient times of the day. Like when I'm at school for example..and on the bus....or when someone else is asking for advice...I hate myself.

I love my dad and everything..but sometimes he makes me feel like all I ever do is make him disappointed. I'm not a bad daughter! Sometimes I go a bit out of bound, yes, but I'm not a bad one!

Fuck this shit.

I'm going to go the bed tonight with the knowlege of knowing that there could be the slightest possibility that Dad may not came back to us. He already works at a fucking high-risk job..and now this shit. Wonderful..all I'm missing is..I don't know.It's getting late, and I need rest.

On a less serious note, I am happy to report that I STILL do not know who to cosplay as for EOY. I've been thinking about doing Diru ^^ but I want it to be as real as possible. No screamers avaliable. -_- I posted a thread on sgcafe asking for Diru cosers..but no one replied..=/

Join..? ><

FUCK THIS SHIT.

2006-07-14T23:08:00.000+08:00

/. the PANDA speaks

I'M BACK. I was too lazy to update after Cosfest, and half of my post from there got erased (I say erased because something happened when I was composing it.) and I couldn't be bothered to edit it again. And if this get erased, I still couldn't be bothered to edit it again. HAHAHA. Worship my utter laziness. BWAHAHA.

I had ELDDS today. GAH SO TIRING. My ling was sick. Poor thing. Stupid breakup must've worsened her condition. heh. Got back late. Cam whored for a bit. Now my camera's battery's weak. >< Serves me right for not buying rechargeable batteries.

Was sleepy the entire day. Fell asleep during MT, and other consiquent time of the day. PE was boring. I was quiet the whole day...until ELDDS of course.

Goodnight.

2006-07-10T20:20:00.000+08:00

/. theVAINITY

MEH~!!

Cosfest is over! Ah well. I suck in any photographs people took of me. Find them at sgcafe.com. I doubt you'll find me, or that you even want too. ( but if you do, I'm cosplaying as an angsty-teen Alice from Alice in Wonderland. I'm wearing a weird apron with the word "Bitch" written somewhere on my apron. And a big ass bow!) I took only a coupla pictures, I was too lazy.

><bombarded by "paperazzi". ( I just have the worst spelling skills..) I was like.."WHERE'D THEY COME FROM?" and nearly forgot how to pose. LOL.

I wub my teddy. =^^=
So when the whole thing was done, Kai and Ai went back..and left me feeling a bit awkward with Miaka, Jude and Peter. And with my little brothes too..-_- So we cam whored a bit more from having a lack of better things to do while chewing on sweets. Then we walked to the Pasir Ris interchange..IN THE DRIZZLE. (it would've been more dramatic to say rain...but meh.) And my makeup got screwed 20 times over, which was ok because my right eye was supposed to have the 'tear' effect going on. My teddy got wet! >_<

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AZRI!!!!!!!!

2006-07-08T16:30:00.000+08:00

/. theGIDDY

GAH. I've got a bad headache.

Too much thinking.

COSFEST tomorow. Meh. Overly excited.

Onto more serious matters. I have a HUGE headache.
We've drifted apart..I know you feel it too.

GET A FUCKING LIFE.

Mine is bad enough without you giving me even more crap to deal with. I HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR WHINING.

This doesn't mean I hate you. I AM JUST TIRED OKAY? I have a lot on my mind now. I've had enough of thinking and worrying, and you giving me even more crap doesn't help.

So I apologize in avance, and I will do so again and again and again if that's what it takes to just say a simple sorry.

I'm sorry.

2006-07-02T22:30:00.000+08:00

/. the DEADNED LEGS.

and fingers too. -_-

2006-06-26T21:47:00.000+08:00

/. the FATIGUED

YAY! I finally changed the skin! This time it's the YUM-MEH boys from DIR EN GREY!!
Am currently having a strange obssesion with DEG. yay. ^^
I still love MM and A9 *glomps*

Had a fun day today. Got into a bit of trouble though.

The first bits of the day were rather boring.Since its the first day of school, its usually very..slow. Most of us...ALL, of us students were still stuck in a holiday mood. So we basically slacked the entire day. All I brought in my schoolbag were just my sketchbooks (the A4 and the tiny A5 one) and fullscap that assumably had my Holiday Math Homework. I figured out the terms and conditions for people who want to commision me to draw things for them.

I was late tho.. AS USUAL. Dad was kinda pissed that the retard teacher who called him up going," Eh, Anis was late today. Can you do something about it?" He thought it was kinda uncivilised for a teacher to be so uncouth. I just thought it was rude. Heh, that teacher was a fucktard anyway.

Anyways, after school, I went to Spotlight with Hafizah. We spent about an hour or so looking for cloths for my Alice (in Wonderland) cosplay and checking the price. Went to Burger King to eat since we were both feeling extremely dizzy and giddy. Went back to Spotlight to reaffirm my needed materials. Called Keru up for help. Still not very helpful...><>_> Wondered around Bugis Street for about an hour or so. I was oggling at teh prettie SW they had for sale. Found a fair amount of Blingbling. I think Debbie would be very happy bout that. ^^, I bought red/black stripies! I'm so pleased with myself. It cost me only $5 bucks, when the socks I bought at Taka were like friggin $10. So I indiginantly screamed," SO I STARVED MYSELF TODAY...WHY?!" Because the whole idea was for me to save my money by hardly eating during recess so that I can buy the cloths for my cosplay.

THERE'S 5 BUCKS I'LL NEVER SEE AGAIN.

Heh, five bucks is a lot to me. Hafizah brought me to the National Library there. It was effing HUGE. We nearly killed our legs climbing up the escalators that weren't working. In the end we couldn't get in because it was getting late and I was in possibly deep shit. And our bags were of "inappropriate size" and I didn't want to go through all that drama of getting our bags through and crap when I was that deadened and it was getting even later. Hafizah and I kinda rushed home. I was late, (ah, the most frequently used word in this entry..) and Grandma was still there. Dad wasn't pissed though, thank GAWD.

Hafizah : Thanks for buying me lunch. That was so sweet of you. I promise I'll repay you somehow.

Now, I've got a bit of ranting to do, but it's getting late (almost 11) and my fingers are deadened. I will of course do a draft and post it when I'm done.

Reflections...I have too much to say. I find myself much angrier now, hence listening to excessive bouts of screamo. = X I've that much anger and pent-up frustration that I don't know who to blame anymore.

Or maybe it's just me.

O.o

2006-06-13T02:43:00.000+08:00

/. the SLOTH.

"My makeup's dying!!"

And I qoute Keru. Heh.

Went to Streetfest yesterday. Woke up late. Mum screamed at me again. I rushed myself, thinking that I was going to be late. And I was. Didn't know what to wear. My makeup took me ages and it was raining like hell.

I met Keru. ;)

Wore two swishy skirts and double corsets. Black-White strippies and my new MaryJane's. My makeup got all messed up because of the stupid rain. Went to meet my friends at Compasspoint. Went to Plaza Singapura. Bought Cars tickets,that cost me nine friggin' fifty. Wasted time in the arcade and wandered around Spotlight for a bit. We went into the theature to watch that stupid movie. I left 5 minutes into the movie, thinking that I'd be late for Keru's perfomance.

I got lost around Orchard,looking for Cineleisure. Called Debbie up and whined for help. I got there. Called Keru for the millionth time and wandered around feeling out of place somehow. But the first thing I thought was, "I'M HOME". Found him standing near the tent thing.

Met Keiku,Jen-Jen and Kiki. They were nice. Kiki was quiet though. Keiku was nice. She's pretty.^^ Jen-Jen scared me somehow. Love their outfits. Kiki was the most elaborately dressed one among all of us. Wandered around for a bit more like a retard with my shatty camera. Got a coupla piccies of people backs. Yeah, since it was my first ever event, I didn't dare to ask for anything. Felt somewhat surreal.

Bands were performing. But I couldn't hear them. I think Keru was the only vocalist for asked for the microphone to be louder. DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH.

Keru sounds distorted through my crappy 60 second recordings of his performance. We couldn't hear him well, but I think he's got potential, even though he was off in a few places. Hmm.

We went to eat at FarEast Plaza. While walking there I slipped alot. Keru grabbed my hand and I was surprised. LOL. We formed a kinda road block. GOD, we got stared at. It was fun...

Keiku and Keru make a cute couple. ^^AWWWW..... =^0^=

Bleargh. Too lazy. Go see my deviant journal. That one's more cheerful and hyper.

XDDDDDDDDDDDDD

2006-06-10T22:17:00.000+08:00

/. the BROODING.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaay got my contact lenses today......I still haven't gotten used to them yet. Feel like scratching my eyes out. STILL DO AFTER 5 FRIGGIN' HOURS. Now I have a topic to rant about, and it is not how I want to scratch my eyes out.

It's about how narrow-minded and stupid most Singaporeans are today.

Nothing frustrates me more than to acknowledge the ignorance of my 'fellow' countrymen. They just go," Huh..?! You're a Goth?" and mispronounce it. It's a big surprise for people who haven't seen me in a while, but come on, they claim things like, "So, you slash yourself..? And you're into Satanism arh?"

Fucktards.

Labels are OUT OF HAND nowadays. They assume things like all Goths are into Satanism and slash themselves. IGNORANCE WILL ONE DAY BE THE BANE OF THE HUMAN RACE. I can proudly say that I am no slasher, and though I am not a devout Muslim, I do not follow other religions. I still do sit around writing whiney poetry sometimes, and even do the whole crying things, but seriously...

I am sick of their ignorance. They reject my existence, and yet claim that they know me. They deny my being, my sickness, and discriminate without thought. Narrow-minded arseholes. They think a guy wearing a skirt must be gay or a freakin' transvestite(or both). I'm done with their stupidity and resistance. I don't want to get myself pissed just because stupidity and lack of acceptance still exists despite being given the best possible education. Sheesh, Singaporeans really do suck. Well, a majority anyway. A small minority are put to shame.

Just because someone wears glasses doesn't mean they can't be a Goth. And just because a guy wears a skirt or uses make-up doesn't mean he's gay. It simply meas he looks better with make-up on. Or simply just that's he's comfortable enough with his masculinity to even dare to be unique in this manner.

But no. My fellow countrymen, you do not cease to annoy the crap out of me. Oh no, you simply find it amusing to watch me squirm.

2006-06-08T11:49:00.000+08:00

/.the DROWNED.

" we're drowning in cliches ....so deperate to love..."

Hmm. I feel like ranting. Which is what this blog is mainly for.But I just don't know what to rant about. -_-; Well then, I'll just update on how mizerable my life has been, with it's little ups.

We're moving next Friday..So I have to pack. Unfortunately, I am still the procrastinator I was days ago. I have only two boxes done. One is filled a quater of my books..and it's already so heavy..>_<>any company for me. -_-; I'm being emo now. But, a..friend of mine would be performing. Can't wait to see him perform..he's the friggin singer! WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE~! I just wanna see if he can actually sing. I got it into my head how he would sound like singing Gackt's Mizerable. Funny. But I haven't heard him sing so.....bleargh. And yeah, it would be the first time I meet the guy. He seems nice enough. Eh. Apparently, I get a high from meeting new people. I met Faith online, and she's a nice person whose got plenty of incisive views on how she perceives the world. In fact, I had dinner with her family, and they were perfectly nice to me.

Yeah, I still don't remember what I wanted to rant about. Debbie's going off to Genting for 3 days. I have my El performancce for kids thing again. -_-; Sigh....

-________________-

2006-05-31T18:50:00.000+08:00

/. the TRAGIC.

Hm. I've given up the idea of beginning my posts with a song or poem or just some random verse. Changed the layout to something simpler, and more...BLACK. It's Mana from Malice Mizer. And yes, they are my new obsession, next to Alice Nine, Lar~En~Ciel, among others. Yes, I'm going back to my JRock roots. I'm soo glad. ^-^;

Hm.

It worries me though, I fear that I'm losing my sense of identity. I don't feel much hatred towards anyone now, which is ironic considering that I still actually hold little grudges.hm. Oh wait..I'm lying..I actually still do hate.lol. Something's wrong with my mp3, it won't work. There's battery in it, new ones no doubt, and yet, it STILL refuses to work. GR. I suspect my cat. I think she peed on it or something.Ah well. Only God(..and my cat)knows.

I went to my dad's room to look for a screwdriver small enough to dismantle the mp3, but I instead looked through his files. It was...interesting, in the very least meaning of the word. I read through his marrige certificate, (and eventually a divorce one too...) and stuff, like his application letters and stuff...But it didn't seem enough to tell his history. Though I love Father deeply, I still sometimes feel as if I don't know him. And even with photographs, and letters, I still cannot fabricate his history. I felt so lost somehow...

I still have lotsa homework which I am, of course, procrastinating against doing. Damn..I've got EL practice tomorow..and Math class...and my homework is due tomorw...X_X I am soooo screwed...I'll go and attempt to do my work.

=/

2006-05-20T12:22:00.000+08:00

Please.

Hear me.

She needs help.

She can't do it by herself.

Show that you care by signing the petition.

Help us save this Innocent and right this grave injustice.

2006-05-11T20:53:00.000+08:00

Legs and tarpaulin

What do we have along the lines of GHASTLY? Naught but six with their cups in the punch bowl! Truncheon-bruised and exaggerated piece-parts, moldy, motley, screeching family! With sunken chests the rotting pests are bound and wrapped in funeral garments. Dropsy, gout, and fast consumption... red and dead, they're seeping siblings!
"What screams from thee, we're much surprised! Calm thyself and thy leaping forehead! Stow thy scowl and bulging eyes! Royal blood should be far from frowning! We shall join thee and imbibe! We'll sit and sip from a broken skull! Hello, my dear, were you aware that your mouth stretches ear to ear?"
What do we have along the lines of POISON? Naught but a barrel of the devil's own Black Strap! "One gallon each to stow in thy hold! A mulct, that's mild in nature!" "I regret that my hull is weighted! Humming stuff is the only ballast-" "Belay that noise, I've room to spare! I'll drink yours down in a draught-and-a-half!"
"But wait, I've only now divined, King Pest is Timothy Hurlygurly! Stage actors have taken this, an undertaker's for their playhouse!" "Ill-bred rogue! You mock my throne! A King's decree cannot be altered! Make them thrash and drown in the October beer in yonder hog's head!"
Tarpaulin's sunk to his ears! And the tall one is thrashing about, pulling down bones from a post-mortem chandalier! One knock and dead-duke and bursting the barrel and freeing his fat friend and death to the Pests! They bend from the weight of the two royal sisters, they carry the Pest to their ship and the sea will bathe corpses... the buoyantly dead shall abound!

Yes, I decided to be funny and open with a Cinema Strange song. Had yet another fun day. Weird, really. I went over the edge and was high after gulping down RedBull. Nasty stuff, I'm still a little hyper. Hafizah hit me hard on my jaw...it hurts. Or, as I so stupidly said it, "Awwie" and squealed. I forgot what really happened after that. But we took neoprints, which I hated. There were just too many of us in there. I got pissed with Aufa and gave him the cold shoulder...which I think he was kinda clueless about. Have been having strange dreams about him lately, of which has disturbed me greatly. *shivers* Ah well, the RedBull seems to have worn down. I feel somewhat sane again...Shall continue this again.

2006-04-28T22:37:00.000+08:00

Funeral Pyre

Mourners sit in neat rows along the edges of the funeral pyre
Waiting for the sermon to end
Dabbing tissues to their eyes they feign sweet tears
Letting others know for whom they truly mourn for; themselves
Now the fire burns and the body becomes a brilliant light
In a burst of ash and smoke
Making their eyes water and tear,
Know we know for whom they truly mourn for.

I've been feeling bouts of random emotions at once. I was particularlly unnerved by the feeling of infactuation. In fact, I'm more than unnerved..I'm utterly petrified. I'm so very unnerved by the very thought of falling in love, let alone just mere infactuation, that I've avoided all potential romantic relationships. No, I'm not commitment-phobic. I'm just...afraid of emotion I guess. Believe me, I'm not dead inside, no matter how much I claim to be. Now, I'm just feeling ever-so-deadened. I've refused to feel depressed, and supression seemed like the most logical answer. Alas, the emotion has begun to supress me.

I found an increasingly worrying trend among my good friends.( yes, I consider them friends now...) More than half of them have either tried smoking, or they were already smoking. Despite whatever lame reasons they have for picking up this revolting habit, I'll still be supportive of them if anyone of them decides to quit. I don't think too highly of people who smoke, honestly, because if you purposely want to damage your body, I have lost all respect for you as a human being. Cigarettes are positively the most ridiculuos of all human inventions. They contain weird things, of which I haven't a notion why such vile and disgusting things go into such a small stick of cigarette. Most of these vile substances are addictive, and hence, those who smoke are either weak, or just plain stupid. I see no rationale of this disgusting habit. I view smoking as a weakness, and succumbing to such a weakness can prove fatal. Those stupid enough to succumb to peer pressure are insecure (so that they'll fit in to the 'smoking is cool' crowd, which means they'll be cool too) and STUPID!
I simply cannot stress this enough, can I? Well guys, if you do read this, this is my message to you:
SMOKING IS A FUCKED-UP HABIT INVENTED BY ASSHOLES WHO HAVE NO LIVES, SO IF YOU WANNA SHOW ME THAT YOU'VE GOT NO LIFE EITHER, GO AHEAD AND SMOKE. You'll die sooner.

Keep in mind that I have only your best interests in heart. So if you don't mind becomng infertile, and having your teeth sink like ass, go and light a bone.

2006-04-21T17:53:00.000+08:00

Child's play

Running and running through the endless maze of secrets
Twirling,twirling in a flurry of colours
Round and round and round we go holding hands
Until we let go then
We fall down and touch the ground
We jump up high and begin to fly into the sun
Then our skin will burn and flake off our bodies
Into the sea, floating down to fishes' mouth
And let them close and fill their bellies with nothing
But our delightful skin!

Am getting inspired more and more ofen by Cinema Strange nowadays.On to far more pressing matters...

It's been one hell of a week, and during that week I was banned from touching a keyboard, let alone a computer. And I was too lazy to go check it at school. Hm. Been a bit busy for no reason, I won't say i've got a ton of homework, because it really isn't that bad.Well, I do have a reason..Well, at least I think I did. Whatver, I don't care. Now, on to more serious matters...

Today was exceptionally enjoyable. I borrowed three Anne Rices, andI'm currently in the middle of reading one of my own.So, that makes Four! I'm locked out of my room, again. Sigh. Why me..?

Anyway, I was asked an almost audacious question," Are you a Goth?" I looked at the guy with a usual sadistc little grin, and answered, "Well, child, It took me a year to even acknowledge to fact that I've succumb to this illness, so what do you think?" But I forgave him, he is but a simpleton. I was in denial for over a year, but my dear friend, Faith got me thinking. I finally came to terms with my illness. Hm. Some asshole junior in ELDDS decided to be funny and said, "Hey Gordon's Girl" to me during recess. I was too lazy to respond, realizing him to be a waste of my spent energy. I'm sick of him, this wittle annoying asshole.

Towards the end of the day, during Literature, my teacher, Mrs Chan, got somewhat upset with the usual asswipes in my class. After a tense silence, she spoke. She gave us something of a lecture, saying that she was't mad. Since I'm ever-so enthuiastic in her class, I just stayed respectfully quiet. Hey, she's good people.
"Do you remember when you were all children, and you used to take your playing very seriously?" She asked. "What happened to that seriousness? Huh? What did you lose?"
"Innocence.." I said quietly, nothing more than a murmur. But realizing that I was in an enclosed area, my tiny murmur was magnified by five.Mrs Chan heard me and asked," What did you say?"
"Nothing," I said quickly. But I knew in my head that I was questioning my own answer. Did we..? Or didn't we? Rarely, I am subjected to the pure naviety of my own sub-conscious, which chooses to believe that the world could be pure and good again. Sigh. I am so naieve.

2006-04-16T16:47:00.000+08:00

I realized today while looking out the window, that everything around us is so very...fragile. I sat at the window, words forming in my head, spuring me on the start writing.( in this case, typing.) I felt somehow connected to everything; the silence of the plants, the howling of the wind..everything natural. Now I'm no tree-hugger, nor intend to be one, but I felt so very intuned with my surroundings. (No, I'm not a hippy either...) In my own little poetic sense, I watched how things were affected so easily by the blowing of the rouge wind. Watching from the wide window in fascination. The tall blades of the grass obeyed the wind, bending to its every fickled change. As are some of us. We change because we have no other choice, and becuase sometimes, it could prove to be for the best. But the rest of us refuse to bend to anyone's whim and order, resulting in rebellion in the least sense of the word. Father says we'll have to move. He can't afford to keep the house anymore...And I really don't want to. I feel like a vain and spoilt child, selfish to others. And it made me extremely sad to think that I missed being a child, that I'd taken it for granted. O How I wish for soothing rain...

2006-04-10T15:46:00.000+08:00

The Songless Bird

Out upon the branch he perched
So lovely bathing in moonlight
In desperation he cries and screams
for attention to which none would give

Louder and louder his cries have grown
More and more was he ignored
I grew frustrated and reached out
I grabbed the incessant bird

And broke his neck
Still he continues his caterwauler wail
Listlessly whining to no tune and no one
And still he sings incessantly, waiting for childish praise...

WHICH NONE WOULD GIVE

Pay not a bit of heed to the mindless banter..I've had a tiring day. (But i missed the whole day of school...) We have to do CIP( community Involvement programme) at school, and this year, we're doing it in our CCAs. I am of course in ELDDS (english language drama and debate society. Knew it was coming ne..?)And the lead as the Big Bad wolf. Yeah, we're doing adaptation of the Three Little Pigs.

It's been raining a lot these past few weeks. Lovely,lovely rain....This is a draft that I've had since a week ago, and only recently did I decide to edit it and finally publish it. I did a whole bunch of chores today...Washing our school shoes..(mine and my brother's) doing the laundry..and I'll have to fold that laundry. WHY DO WE HAVE SO MANY CLOTHES?! *sobsob*

I've forgotten why I actually wrote this, but I did. SO NOW I CAN FINALLY PUBLISH THIS!!!

2006-03-18T00:00:00.004+08:00

Goodnight

Goonight, fair night; adieu,adieu
May the moon shine in pale light unto pale faces
That watch upon thee with such intent
Bestow upon them thine gift of sleep
And let them dream dreams of flying carpets and talking goats,
Singing teapots and dancing dolls
Preserve in their sleep their fragile innocence
Goodnight, fair night; adieu, adieu
For i say not farewell but goodnight
And morrow shall i grace these lands with my presence
Fill the lands with golden dew and sweet smells
Refreshed,renewed
Goodnight, fair night, adieu,adieu

Eh...no comment. It was crap, but i hope it's understandable. Eh, whatever...
I was talking to Ayane earlier, and she told me to go visit her. I finally did, hours later, and began reading. Or rather, attempted to read. I was utterly disgusted to find my best friend, a fairly fluent English speaker, using words such as,"Luk very weakk". I blamed it on human error, a typo maybe. Even I, as great as i claim myself to be, i make typos and spelling errors frequently. The load of people i know use phrases like "hiie" and the like. Slang. Personally, I don't mind it so much. But it gets a little infuriating to read a blog which you are certain is in English, but instead feel like smashing the computer screen in because it says, "I lyk, had lyk, a big fight w/ sum grrlfrns 2 dai, n i oso lost mai f8. I lyk, jst h8 it!" I came across a ceratin blog like that and nearly lost it. Maybe their spoken English is perfect, I don't know, but seriously, you don't expect people like me to understand,do you? Majority of the people i know had horrendous English, and speak their Mother Tongue often, even during English class. When i remark with the usual smartass tone," Apparently, it seems so", the usual response I received is either "huh?" or "wtf???". Sometimes they pretend not to understand, or miraculously go deaf everytime i open my mouth. I admit, because English is the predominating language in my household, my Mother Tongue is rather poorly. But i get by. I'm not getting all huffy and all-mighty just because I score better than most in my English tests, I'm just voicing my views rather..nicely on the way teenagers are using the English language nowadays. Even if I'm text-messaging someone,or rather SMSing, I use proper English, spelling and all. "You","You're",etc the entire thing in proper spelling.I understand that some do not have a very strong vocabulary, but at least they try to use complete and proper words.(though on several occasions, misspellings)I should know. I have a good friend of that nature. It's hard to communicate sometimes, seeing as I don't speak Mandarin. He doesn't speak Malay either, so either way, there's a major language barriar. And that's not very nice now, is it? Plus, if you keep babbling away in your Mother Tongue, others who don't speak it may assume you were gossiping about them, insulting them, making them feel uncomfortable and makes you look like a racist. We're supposed to be working towards a discrimination-free world right?

2006-03-14T23:32:00.000+08:00

Conversations with the wall.

Staring in the white I wonder if I'll ever see the sky
Staring at the hole in the wall I begin to see
The memories left behind by you and me
All the good times and bad times
We went through it all, together, as always
But you left me high and dry
Without even telling me why
How could you expect me to feel alright
Here without you by my side
I feel
So cold and empty without you
I still feel your skin touching mine
How can i start all over again
Without you here to guide me
How can i start all over again?
I try to imagine you here, right in front of me
But all i see is just a forgotten memory
I still hear your voice,still feel your skin
Still feel you beside of me

Attempt at some love crap. Hmm..shan't do it again.Been having odd dreams. More than once in a month I've dreamt that i was pregnant. It was frightening. Positivly nerve-wrecking. I had a camp a few days ago. It was fun, but i still could not wait to go home. So I was made to have fun against my own will. Argh. I missed my mummy. (So what if I'm close with my mum?) Surprisingly enough, I missed my brothers. Yes, all of 'em. The two little ones, and Gordon. Missed Ayane. Dad too. But he's always working, so there wasn't much of a diference.
Don't really know how I've been feeling for the last coupla months. But something's knawing at the back of my mind. I won't say what. But has anyone out there ever had the worst kind of missing? I mean, the feeling that you're sitting right next to the only person you think you have ever considered using the word 'love' on and yet know clearly that you can never have them? Truth be told, i know everyone's felt it at least once in their life. Well I'm feeling this way and i hate it. I told myself I'd lay off using the word 'love' or even consider using it until after schooling. But i'm only human. More specificly, a teenager. Even my hormones get out of control once in a while. I've refused to admit the attraction, even to myself. The mere thought of falling in love-or rather feeling infactuation of any kind gives me the willies. For example, look at the following results. I have to admit, it's pretty acurate. I was freaked out by how acurate some online test results were. My subconsious mind is overall, generally ignored by my consious,my ego and any other parts of my mind. I still do't know where exactly it is. Strangely enough, I've seen my consious. Not a different looking me, or those angel-devil shoulder things. My consious, is in fact a milky-skinned, grey-eyed, 6 foot tall and lanky teenage boy. I thought he was just some leftover from my many story inspirations that never worked out. I tried to kill him several times, using various methods, ranging from suffocation to using plain household ites like a pen. He endured. My 'dark' side is just him in a bad mood. Strange how the mind works,ne?

2006-02-09T13:56:00.000+08:00

Bleargh... I'm not bothering to start off with a song/poem... am tooo tired...School's been one hell of a DRAG... Not been doing my homework too much... don't have that much time... Bleargh. My email's been "reserved". Bleargh. Am in the library...Crap...teacher's checkin...buh-byeeeee....

2005-12-22T00:23:00.000+08:00

Innocence lost

I wonder within my forbidden forest
struggling against the dark with ease
the sounds of my footspots crunch the gravel beneath me
and the echo of breathing through the trees

I finally succumb to the despair and sigh
I wonder when I'll ever be alright
I stare at my hands, tear-stained faces in my mind
So much hardship they had to suffer
and i was the burden that added to mistrust

blank and unreserved were my expressions
tear-stained and blood-stained was my face and hands
forgiven and forgotten i was not,
but a child of burden,
a child of naught.

Damn. The worst has finally happened. My parents are getting divorced. Or getting their marrige annulled, but as far as I'm concerned, it means the bloody same. But they're not jumping the gun...yet. Not just yet. Mum's giving dad a chance to redeem himself, and vice-versa. I've grown tired to crying myself late at night, so i could not cry. Literally, could not cry for my parents. I was mad at dad, but after hearing his side of the story, mum was decidely the bad guy. But they sat down and talked it out, and came to a bloody conclusion.; get annulled. I really don't know how to react, so i keep my face blank and emotionless, which my mother took as absorbing the shock. I can't really cry anymore, if i do my eyes would probably puff up so much they'll look like a fish's.Anyway,to end this entry on a brighter note, I've finally posted the first chapter of In the den of the Dragon. I've only gotten one review so far, but I won't let that pull me down. Reading a HPDM fic makes me gigly..happy. But not genuinely happy..sigh.And so says the child of naught.

"He who laughs last, thinks slowest"

2005-12-16T00:40:00.000+08:00

Dark Skies and cloudy nights
all aspire to ensnare fright
under my bed I hear a sound
that always goes bump in the night

But maybe I'm just playing tricks with my head
Still I dare not look under there

Tonight I'll pucker up and courage
and look there under
sounds of thunder's rage
add to my shudders
The storm tonight is dark and scary
I hope that I'll find nothing
I hope nothing smelly and hairy!

I lift the bed sheets oh so carefully
and look into the dark
what I saw scared the hell out of me
but why I still do wonder
looking back at me was my dead grandmother!

Okay...freaking poem. This post was supposed to open with "I've finally changed the layout! Yay me!" But after countless mishaps, I gave up. Other layouts either sucked or gave me lotsa problems. Besides, none of them looked half as nice as this one. The others were either too bright, too stupid or just plain ugly. Ugh. I'm almost finished with "the Piano" and will be posted onto Fanfic.net in a matter of days!Yay..finally.
List of fics i need to finish:
The Piano
Christmas is one hell of a holiday
Christmas Eve
Even in death
In the den of the Dragan

It's rather short, but I'm having a major writer's block..a cement one really.Damn. Lemme go try to write.Until next time!

2005-12-15T01:36:00.000+08:00

Walk on without me, though the road may seem dark.
Leave me behind, I dare not walk upon the land of the dead.
Walk on, though your mind is weary and your soul fading
I dare not walk upon the holy land of the dead

Am BRAIN DEAD..I HAVE NO SUGAR, OR CAFINE SO I CANNOT THINK STRAIGHT! blahblahblah...
Did so lillte things..went to arcade..read reviews, a few slash fics..took some quizzes..bleah.Boring? But time-consuming. Time i would rather use finishing up my fanfics, painting and scribbling on my walls, or even drawing a half decent piture...damn.

2005-11-22T17:00:00.000+08:00

Behind me

Thoughts , memories and silent tears
Memoirs, poems scrawled down here
hidden meanings behind each verse
a poem, a blessing, a forgotten curse

Screams of the dead
the voices in my head
which do i listen to, i dare not wonder
trapped inside my peacefull slumber,
I think of things i would never dare ponder
I don't care for those silly things that keep me awake in horror

Good Afternoon all. Had a rather boring day. Got up, watched the King of Queens, Oprah, played Playstation, read a few Harry/Draco fics..not much really. The weather's been rather glum too, I don't mind the slightest bit, i love the cold. (but not cold water on a cold day..) I love the months of winter. It's so cold that I'm snuggled in a blanket while typing.It's so cold I'm wearing my strippy socks on, along with a pair of thick jeans. I love it. It's been raining all day. A great day for inspiration and a great time for me to draw. I love this peacefulness....i wish it was always like this...well,gotta go finish my fic. go to fanfiction.net and find me! My PenName's Midnight-Hallow