Tuesday, November 21, 2006

What's Your Disorder?

Anorexia
[ ] you have dry skin.
[ ] you're very weak.
[ ] you hate your body.
[x] you starve yourself. sometimes..
[ ] you have low self esteem.
[ ] you use laxatives.
[x] you need to be skinnier.
[ ] people think you are way too skinny.
total: 2

ADHD (attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder)
[x] you are hyper most of the time.
[x] you barely pay attention to anything.
[ ] you cannot cooperate with people well.
[x] you seem to never sit still.
[x] you talk all the time.
[x] you need attention 24/7.
total: 5

Bipolar Disorder
[x] you can act wild at times then the next you are severely depressed.
[x] you are very irritable.
[x] you barely get any or no sleep.
[ ] you are anti-social.
[ ] you have very high self esteem at times.
[ ] you are abusing alcohol, drugs, or sex.
[ ] you have thought of/attempted suicide.
total: 3

Bulimia Nervosa
[ ] you throw up all of your food.
[ ] you throw it up even when you don't feel sick.
[ ] you have no control over how you eat.
[ ] you use laxatives.
[ ] you eat fast.
[ ] you have overly exercised to where you almost fainted/passed out.
[x] you always say you are fat, when you aren't. I AM DAMMIT.
[ ] people think you are way too skinny.
total: 1

Conduct Disorder
[ ] you are a bully.
[ ] you threaten other people.
[ ] you often find yourself in fights.
[ ] you have used a weapon that could cause injury to others. (ex: knife, bat, etc.)
[ ] you are cruel to humans and/or animals.
[x] you have raped/molested someone. XDDDDDDDDD as a joke
[ ] you destroy property on purpose.
[x] you always sometimes lie.
[ ] you stay out all night.
[ ] you have ran away from home.
total: 2

Depression
[x] you are always sad.
[x] you always are crying.
[ ] you find no hope in your future.
[ ] you find no longer excitement over the activities you used to love.
[ ] you always find yourself around the house or in bed all day.
[ ] you can be/are anti-social.
[ ] you have low self esteem.
[x] everything bad that happens is always your fault.
[ ] you always seem to be weak or have physical features hurt.
[ ] you are failing school.
[ ] you have thought of/attempted suicide.
[ ] you have ran away from home.
[ ] hope is no longer there for you.
total: 3

OCD (obsession compulsive disorder)
[x] you have daily rituals.
[x] you have disturbing thoughts or thoughts you hate.
[x] you have to do a certain thing until it feels right.
[ ] you have to keep things in a certain order.
[x] you have harmed yourself. ....mentally.
[ ] you are afraid you will get an std, aids, or any kind of germs.
[ ] you have to check some stuff over again.
total: 4

PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder)
[x] you repeatedly have flashbacks of horrible moments/memories in your life.
[x] you repeatedly have dreams of horrible moments/memories in your life.
[x] you sometimes think the event will happen again.
[x] you feel highly uncomfortable when remembered/remembering the event.
[x] you can be/are anti-social.
[x] you have lost interest in the things you used to love.
[x] you have not had a lot of sleep lately.
[ ] you worry about dying at a early age or dying at all.
[ ] you can have angry outbursts.
[ ] you act younger than your age.
total: 7

Schizophrenia
[ ] you often have hallucinations (seeing things or hearing things that aren't there).
[x] you have strange, unusual dreams or thoughts.
[x] you can be confused about reality and fantasy.
[x] you think people are always staring or talking about you.
[ ] you have extreme anxiety or fearfulness.
[ ] you have difficulty with relationships with family, friends, and opposite sex.
[ ] you do not take care of your hygiene like you should.
[ ] you are very shy.
[x] you often talk to yourself.
total: 4

Now, add them up and see which has the most and you'll figure out your disorder.

I have PTSD.


Amazing. Ahahahahahaha.

-hitomi
/.
Listening to : Planet Hell - Nightwish
Mood : Contemplative

....I'm sorry.



Don't worry about anything.
I know it might be a little early to say this, and all but,

I LOVE YOU.

I don't want to end this. Not yet anyways. I want you for who you are, not for the person you write about. I know you're no Superman, neither am I. I...love you for who you are. Know this.
Don't beat yourself up just because I freaked out just for that one instant. ...No love lost ne?




Don't tempt me into sin.
...But then again, I'd burn in Hell anyways. I don't want you to burn. I love you too much to see that happen.
If I could.




-hitomi

Friday, November 17, 2006

/.


Listening to : Bel Air - Malice Mizer
Mood : worried.

...




What if you only want me for that?



...I'm not a toy.



forget it. I didn't say anything.
these are the minor insecurities.

-hitomi

Monday, November 13, 2006


I've been watching you from a distance
The distance sees through your disguise
All I want from you is your hurting
I want to heal you
I want to save you from the dark

Give unto me your troubles
I'll endure your suffering
Place onto me your burden
I'll drink your deadly poison

Why should I care if they hurt you
Somehow it matters more to me
Than if I were hurting myself
Save you (save you)
I'll save you

Give unto me your troubles
I'll endure your suffering
Place onto me your burden
I'll drink your deadly poison

Fear not the flame of my love's candle
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness
Give unto me all that frightens you
I'll have your nightmares for you
If you sleep soundly

Give unto me your troubles
I'll endure your suffering
Place onto me your burden
I'll drink your deadly poison

Fear not the flame of my love's candle
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness
Give unto me all that frightens you
I'll have your nightmares for you
If you sleep soundly

Fear not the flame of my love's candle
Let it be the sun in your world of darkness




+ This is for you.
All I've ever wanted to say and do.
All in Amy Lee's words.
I can't find my own..so..
for now this will have to suffice.



あなたの唇の感じはまだ私の物で長びく..


-hitomi.

Saturday, November 11, 2006

/.
Listening to : Merou ni Shizunde - Alice Nine
Mood : ..sleepy.


AA ARISOU~!!!!
-spazzes-

I really ♥ Saturdays.


There's band meeting tomorow, and I HAVE TO SING =O
omg I R LIEK SO NERVOUSSSS!!11111111111
SRSLY.
OMG I IS SPAZZINGGGGGG OMGG OMGGGG
-slaps self-




Ok, I've abused my vocal cords more than I should. Save some for tomorow. Hmm.
OKAAAYYY. now this is the stuff I gotta do before EOY:
+ MY COSPLAY
+Pay for my boots from HARU
+Finish the shooting for ELDDS
+Go out with baby as much as possible =DDDD

So far today, I've tried stretching myself to Shou's, Asagi's, Jui's,Klaha's, Gackt's AND Amy Lee's vocals.The result (the songs I could do)were um..O_O
Shou : Yami ni Chiru Sakura, Gin no Tsuki kurai hoshi,
Asagi : Kanan~yakusoku no chi~,Angelic Blue, EDEN, Shiroi Yoru
Jui : .....
Klaha : Shiroi hada ni kuruu ai to kanashimi no rondo
Gackt : Le ciel
Amy :...almost everything XDD

But I've found a million problems with my voice/throat. I don't have enough stamina to pull off most of the songs I sing to, because if I'm loud, I can't pull or hold the notes are long as I used to when I'm not as loud. T_T
And sometimes I can't control my voice. It goes like, off pitch when I have to stretch it. O____O
WTF lor.
-spazzes-
...the amount of Singlish plaguing my vocabulary these days is..beyond frightening. It's like having Pua Chu Kang speak in English while eating scones and sipping tea with the Queen. O_o


ah well. Till tomorow then!



-hitomi

Tuesday, November 07, 2006




/.

Listening to : Leukocyte
Mood : Cheery but sleepy


AAAARGH. I GOT MY RESULTS TODAY.




AND I GOT ALL THE CLASSES I WANTED!

8D
-dances around-

"Anis has the drive to improve in her academic and excel in non-academic areas. She demonstrates strong self confidence and contributes intelligent and perceptive contributions to a discussion. She is capable of making intelligent and perceptive contributions to a discussion, bringing much life to the classroom. She is also a girl that does not hesitate to seek clarification where necessary and is actively involved in her CCA."

.....Reading between the lines says-

"Anis is an over-ambitious, arrogant little twat. She does not know when to shut her mouth, causing her teachers to scream incessantly during lessons. She asks mundane questions and has nothing better to do than to participate in her CCA."

^____^

I love doing that. ahahahah. And do you know what else? They state somewhere on the same page that my CCA attendance is poor. SO WHY SAY THAT I'M ACTIVELY INVOVLED????
O_________o;;


nnnn..
right.



-hitomi

Saturday, November 04, 2006

/.

Listening to :
Mood: like shit.



meh. I know why I love Romeo and Juliet so much.
I'm still struggling with the decora photoshoot. And I'm freaking out about my cosplay. I can't find any good pictures. And my boots are still at HARU.


and fuck.
MY RESULTS ARE COMING OUT ON TUESDAY.
awwww bloody fuck.
















whatever.
you fuckers bloody messed everything up.
I'm mad at everyone, especially myself. More so actually.
I'm drained.
Simple.
I have no more words to say to you all.
I'm just sick of this.
I'm sick of this.
I'm sick of this.


I haven't the energy to deal with all your bullshit.
I have my own.
I feel like shit now, all thanks to you.aren't you glad?
You've made me feel as though as I've commited murder, but even then I think you would've dealt out a much less harsh retaliation. Heck, you all clearly know that I'm capable of murder, and that it'll probably happen sooner or later.
but seriously,
WHATEVER.
I'm done with you.






I'm tired already.
-hitomi
/.
Listening to : The Domestic Fucker Famliy - Dir en Grey
Mood: Sleepy


messsshhhh job interview! And I made it.

Lyrics are coming to me so easily now, don't know why lol. And they have weird titles ; "Fuckers always die faster","Dinner with rubber",and my personal favourite-
"AWW FUCK YOU."

LOL I'M SERIOUS! But I threw them all away,since vulgar lyrics don't really suit me O_o;;
Am in the process of writing the usual tragic love shit that I usually write. -falls over-


I freaked out today after I left the workplace thing because I realized that EOY was approching, and I STILL HAVEN'T DONE MY COSPLAY. And then I had a mental blank. LOL I tripped over nothing XDDDDDD

I'm still doing my outfit for the decora photoshoot, and I'm freaking out so much because namely, it's my first time doing decora. I'M STILL FREAKING OUT. I got a skirt from urban warehouse (my money... T_T)! It matches the pair of legwarmers I got. YAY. argh. But I'm still freaking out, because I have no idea what the heck I can match that skirt with.
-spazzes-
EEE IT'S CATSCRATCH!!!!!!
-watches-


later my babies
(>^0^)>~*~*

-hitomi

Friday, November 03, 2006

/.
Listening to : Seaside to pastel chou - AYAbie
Mood : ....=)


I'm in a better mood. Hm.
Maybe it's you.
hm.













This is the tragedy I wished for.
Now let me deal with it.
Because who knows how long it'll last.
-hitomi
bold the statement that are true to you
italise the statement that you wish to be true
stab 5 person to do the same test (:

-i miss somebody right now
-i do not watch tv these days
-i have tried marijuana
-i have been in threesome
-i believe honesty is the best policy
-i have changed mentally over the last year
-i carry my knife/razor everywhere with me
-i curse
-i'm totally smart
-i've broken someone's bones
-i'm paranoid sometimes
-i would have a plastic surgery if it were 100% safe, free of cost scar-free
-i need money right now
-i love sushi
-i have long hair
-i have lost money in las vegas
-i have at least one sibling
-i have worn fake hair / fingernails / eyelashes
-i couldn't survive without caller ID
-i am usually pessimistic
-i have alot of mood swing
-i have a hidden talent
-i'm always hyper no matter how much sugar i have
-i have alot of friends
-i am currently single
-i have pecked someone of the same sex
-i enjoy talking on phone
-i would rather shop than eat
-i don't hate anyone
-i have tried alcohol before
-i own the South Park movie
-i would die for my best friend
-i think that Pizza Hut has the best pizza
-i have used my sexuality to advance my career
-i watch Spongebob Squarepants and I like it
-i am happy at this moment
-i am comfortable with who I am right now
-i have more than just my ears pierced
-i walk barefoot wherever I can
-i have jumped off a bridge
-i love sea turtles
-i spend ridiculous money on makeup
-i plan on achieving a major goal/dream
-i'm proficient in a musical instrument
-i worked at McDonald's restaurant
-i hate office jobs
-i love sci-fi movies
-i'm a pretty good dancer
-i'm completely embarrassed to be seen with my mother
-i have a cell phone
-i believed in god
-i watch MTV on a daily basic
-i have passed out drunk on the past six months
-i've rejected someone before
-i want to have children in the future
-i have changed a diaper before
-i've called the cops on a friend before
-i'm not allergic to anything
-i have a lot to learn
-i'm shy around members of the opposite sex
-i have made a move on a friend's significant other or crush in the past
-i think water rules
-i like sausages
-i love kisses
-i fall for the worst people
-i adore bright colours
-i can't live without black eyeliner
-i don't know why the hell I just did this stupid thing
-i usually like covers better than originals
-i can pick up things with my toes
-i can't whistle
-i can move my tongue in waves, much like a snake's slither
-i have ridden/owned a horse
-i still have every journal i've written in
-i can't stick to a diet
-i talk in my sleep
-i try to forget things by drowning them out with loads of distractions
-i wear a toe ring
-i will collect anything, and the more nonsensical the better
-i'm an artist
-i only clean my room when necessary
-i like a person of the same sex
-i love being happy


stabbing -
-LING
-AAA DEAR you do this kay? when you get your computer back T.T
-SUMIE~
-AZRI
-anyone else who wants to do this






*hitomi

/.

....


that's it.
I've had enough.
I've had it with your-holier-than-thou attitude.
You think you're so fucking innocent?
FINE.
You think you're so fucking pure and MATURE right?
FINE.
You think I have an attitude problem or something, that I really don't care?
FINE.
I REALLY DON'T CARE ANYMORE.
OH BOO HOO CRY FOR ALL I CARE.
oh wait, I don't.
a haha.
too bad.
right then.
You think I don't know that there are people other than yourself that care for me? AHAHAH idiot.
LOOK AROUND YOU. YOU FREAKING INTROVERT.
even when we kiss and make up I STILL WON'T TAKE BACK MY WORDS.
And if you say 4 years of friendship has gone down the drain,
FINE.
I feel like these best-friend things are getting more and more one-sided these days.
If you were really my best friend, and cared for me so god damned much, think about what I'm going through. You know how fucked up my family life is, and how it's continuing to be so.
You know how I am, you know me inside out.
But you say that I've changed and that you don't know me anymore.
FINE.
If you really are as mature as you think you are, THINK ABOUT OTHER PEOPLE.
stop being a fucked up know-it-all and preach about moral values to me.
I know what they are dammit.
Stop being so fucking selfish. I'm the one going through all this shit, not you.
And so is Nadi.
She's the one related to him, NOT YOU.
I know by even liking him I've screwed up her family ties forever.
I ask God why, and I still haven't gotten an answer. I know why I like him, and I see no goddammed reason why I should tell you. Even though you are my best friend.
Some things you just have to keep to yourself.
And I'm not asking Nadi to apologize to you for me. Hell, I never even said I wanted to apologize. She was the one who asked you to unblock me on msn, not me. SHE did it on her own account.
BLOCK ME FOR ALL I CARE. -smack self- OH YEAH. I DON'T.
I know I made Nadi angry. I apologized to her already. DEAL WITH IT.
If I lose her, it's 8 YEARS OF FRIENDSHIP DOWN THE DRAIN.
you happy?

And oh, I'm not too young, YOU'RE THE FUCKING SAME AGE AS I AM.
And as for my IC, I CAN ALWAYS GO MAKE A FAKE ONE DUMBASS.
other thing, you're not the only person who tolerates my bullshit.oh be surprised
There's someone called MUM.
she tolerates even more bullshit than you know.
AHAHAH don't say that you know. Because it's a lie. You only know because I tell you.
And what right are you talking about? My life, my business. We never told anyone because we weren't even sure where we stood. WTF is the point of telling everyone we're attached when nothing has even begun?
Think harder. Until you feel like your head's gunna crack. Because I did. I thought about whether we should tell you guys. One thing, when things go bad,it'll affect everyone. SO WE'D VERY MUCH LIKE TO SPARE YOU GUYS THE PAIN OF THAT.
you stupid,stupid fucker.
yes, I'm pissed.
More than you know.
Think hard.
honestly.
And if you dare, send me and email telling me how much of a dumbfuck you think I am for trying to spare you guys the hurt of seeing friends torn apart. Because if we end this, Nadi can never go out with her cousins and us at the same time. And you know how much she loves all of us.


so you tell me.
WHO THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?
a ha ha.
You have no idea what big of a bitch I can be.
No one does.
Not even me.
-hitomi

Thursday, November 02, 2006

/.

ok, you know what?
WHATEVER.



I'm not gunna do anything to change your minds.
WHATEVER.
PISS OFF ALREADY.





fuckers.

-hitomi

Wednesday, November 01, 2006



/.
Listening to: SIREN BLUE - Lolita23q
Mood: Jumpy

I've been obsessively playing this song over and over again in my head to try and understan what Sou's been singing. The lyrics don't match up either way. gah. It's annoying when you can't get something like this right =_________=/-

Spent some time looking up on my favourite bands ( Rentrer en Soi, D'espairs Ray..etc ) and heck there are a lot of different kinds of visual kei. I knew that the whole sub-genre thing was insane, but heck, this was a lot. Gah I didn't know ReS was considered White Kei. ( Shiroi Kei?? O_o;;) White Kei are bands which are more towards the 'light' aspects of things, be it outfits, songs, or whatever.

White Kei = Rentrer en Soi...etc ( i forgot..)
Eroguro Kei = Dir en Grey, D'espairs ray.. etc
hnn. i didn't know that.
Anguro Kei = Inugami Circus Dan, Kagrra..etc
Oshare Kei = Lolita23q, An Cafe...etc (no da!)
and there's more, I just...don't bother to remember. poo.



nyan Enough blabber.
I had a good time yesterday. It was a little hard saying things to you, but somehow, I just opened up,and it seemed so easy to talk to you. I wanted to cry, but I don't want you to see that.
Sorry hun.
Why is it always seem as though time speeds up when we're out together? It's just plain mean I tell you.
m(_ _)m




kimi no sugata wa..
..doko ni mo miataranai.



-hitomi