Funeral Pyre

Mourners sit in neat rows along the edges of the funeral pyre
Waiting for the sermon to end
Dabbing tissues to their eyes they feign sweet tears
Letting others know for whom they truly mourn for; themselves
Now the fire burns and the body becomes a brilliant light
In a burst of ash and smoke
Making their eyes water and tear,
Know we know for whom they truly mourn for.

I've been feeling bouts of random emotions at once. I was particularlly unnerved by the feeling of infactuation. In fact, I'm more than unnerved..I'm utterly petrified. I'm so very unnerved by the very thought of falling in love, let alone just mere infactuation, that I've avoided all potential romantic relationships. No, I'm not commitment-phobic. I'm just...afraid of emotion I guess. Believe me, I'm not dead inside, no matter how much I claim to be. Now, I'm just feeling ever-so-deadened. I've refused to feel depressed, and supression seemed like the most logical answer. Alas, the emotion has begun to supress me.

I found an increasingly worrying trend among my good friends.( yes, I consider them friends now...) More than half of them have either tried smoking, or they were already smoking. Despite whatever lame reasons they have for picking up this revolting habit, I'll still be supportive of them if anyone of them decides to quit. I don't think too highly of people who smoke, honestly, because if you purposely want to damage your body, I have lost all respect for you as a human being. Cigarettes are positively the most ridiculuos of all human inventions. They contain weird things, of which I haven't a notion why such vile and disgusting things go into such a small stick of cigarette. Most of these vile substances are addictive, and hence, those who smoke are either weak, or just plain stupid. I see no rationale of this disgusting habit. I view smoking as a weakness, and succumbing to such a weakness can prove fatal. Those stupid enough to succumb to peer pressure are insecure (so that they'll fit in to the 'smoking is cool' crowd, which means they'll be cool too) and STUPID!
I simply cannot stress this enough, can I? Well guys, if you do read this, this is my message to you:
SMOKING IS A FUCKED-UP HABIT INVENTED BY ASSHOLES WHO HAVE NO LIVES, SO IF YOU WANNA SHOW ME THAT YOU'VE GOT NO LIFE EITHER, GO AHEAD AND SMOKE. You'll die sooner.

Keep in mind that I have only your best interests in heart. So if you don't mind becomng infertile, and having your teeth sink like ass, go and light a bone.

Child's play

Running and running through the endless maze of secrets
Twirling,twirling in a flurry of colours
Round and round and round we go holding hands
Until we let go then
We fall down and touch the ground
We jump up high and begin to fly into the sun
Then our skin will burn and flake off our bodies
Into the sea, floating down to fishes' mouth
And let them close and fill their bellies with nothing
But our delightful skin!


Am getting inspired more and more ofen by Cinema Strange nowadays.On to far more pressing matters...

It's been one hell of a week, and during that week I was banned from touching a keyboard, let alone a computer. And I was too lazy to go check it at school. Hm. Been a bit busy for no reason, I won't say i've got a ton of homework, because it really isn't that bad.Well, I do have a reason..Well, at least I think I did. Whatver, I don't care. Now, on to more serious matters...

Today was exceptionally enjoyable. I borrowed three Anne Rices, andI'm currently in the middle of reading one of my own.So, that makes Four! I'm locked out of my room, again. Sigh. Why me..?

Anyway, I was asked an almost audacious question," Are you a Goth?" I looked at the guy with a usual sadistc little grin, and answered, "Well, child, It took me a year to even acknowledge to fact that I've succumb to this illness, so what do you think?" But I forgave him, he is but a simpleton. I was in denial for over a year, but my dear friend, Faith got me thinking. I finally came to terms with my illness. Hm. Some asshole junior in ELDDS decided to be funny and said, "Hey Gordon's Girl" to me during recess. I was too lazy to respond, realizing him to be a waste of my spent energy. I'm sick of him, this wittle annoying asshole.

Towards the end of the day, during Literature, my teacher, Mrs Chan, got somewhat upset with the usual asswipes in my class. After a tense silence, she spoke. She gave us something of a lecture, saying that she was't mad. Since I'm ever-so enthuiastic in her class, I just stayed respectfully quiet. Hey, she's good people.
"Do you remember when you were all children, and you used to take your playing very seriously?" She asked. "What happened to that seriousness? Huh? What did you lose?"
"Innocence.." I said quietly, nothing more than a murmur. But realizing that I was in an enclosed area, my tiny murmur was magnified by five.Mrs Chan heard me and asked," What did you say?"
"Nothing," I said quickly. But I knew in my head that I was questioning my own answer. Did we..? Or didn't we? Rarely, I am subjected to the pure naviety of my own sub-conscious, which chooses to believe that the world could be pure and good again. Sigh. I am so naieve.

I realized today while looking out the window, that everything around us is so very...fragile. I sat at the window, words forming in my head, spuring me on the start writing.( in this case, typing.) I felt somehow connected to everything; the silence of the plants, the howling of the wind..everything natural. Now I'm no tree-hugger, nor intend to be one, but I felt so very intuned with my surroundings. (No, I'm not a hippy either...) In my own little poetic sense, I watched how things were affected so easily by the blowing of the rouge wind. Watching from the wide window in fascination. The tall blades of the grass obeyed the wind, bending to its every fickled change. As are some of us. We change because we have no other choice, and becuase sometimes, it could prove to be for the best. But the rest of us refuse to bend to anyone's whim and order, resulting in rebellion in the least sense of the word. Father says we'll have to move. He can't afford to keep the house anymore...And I really don't want to. I feel like a vain and spoilt child, selfish to others. And it made me extremely sad to think that I missed being a child, that I'd taken it for granted. O How I wish for soothing rain...

The Songless Bird

Out upon the branch he perched
So lovely bathing in moonlight
In desperation he cries and screams
for attention to which none would give

Louder and louder his cries have grown
More and more was he ignored
I grew frustrated and reached out
I grabbed the incessant bird

And broke his neck
Still he continues his caterwauler wail
Listlessly whining to no tune and no one
And still he sings incessantly, waiting for childish praise...

WHICH NONE WOULD GIVE

Pay not a bit of heed to the mindless banter..I've had a tiring day. (But i missed the whole day of school...) We have to do CIP( community Involvement programme) at school, and this year, we're doing it in our CCAs. I am of course in ELDDS (english language drama and debate society. Knew it was coming ne..?)And the lead as the Big Bad wolf. Yeah, we're doing adaptation of the Three Little Pigs.

It's been raining a lot these past few weeks. Lovely,lovely rain....This is a draft that I've had since a week ago, and only recently did I decide to edit it and finally publish it. I did a whole bunch of chores today...Washing our school shoes..(mine and my brother's) doing the laundry..and I'll have to fold that laundry. WHY DO WE HAVE SO MANY CLOTHES?! *sobsob*

I've forgotten why I actually wrote this, but I did. SO NOW I CAN FINALLY PUBLISH THIS!!!