Goodnight

Goonight, fair night; adieu,adieu
May the moon shine in pale light unto pale faces
That watch upon thee with such intent
Bestow upon them thine gift of sleep
And let them dream dreams of flying carpets and talking goats,
Singing teapots and dancing dolls
Preserve in their sleep their fragile innocence
Goodnight, fair night; adieu, adieu
For i say not farewell but goodnight
And morrow shall i grace these lands with my presence
Fill the lands with golden dew and sweet smells
Refreshed,renewed
Goodnight, fair night, adieu,adieu

Eh...no comment. It was crap, but i hope it's understandable. Eh, whatever...
I was talking to Ayane earlier, and she told me to go visit her. I finally did, hours later, and began reading. Or rather, attempted to read. I was utterly disgusted to find my best friend, a fairly fluent English speaker, using words such as,"Luk very weakk". I blamed it on human error, a typo maybe. Even I, as great as i claim myself to be, i make typos and spelling errors frequently. The load of people i know use phrases like "hiie" and the like. Slang. Personally, I don't mind it so much. But it gets a little infuriating to read a blog which you are certain is in English, but instead feel like smashing the computer screen in because it says, "I lyk, had lyk, a big fight w/ sum grrlfrns 2 dai, n i oso lost mai f8. I lyk, jst h8 it!" I came across a ceratin blog like that and nearly lost it. Maybe their spoken English is perfect, I don't know, but seriously, you don't expect people like me to understand,do you? Majority of the people i know had horrendous English, and speak their Mother Tongue often, even during English class. When i remark with the usual smartass tone," Apparently, it seems so", the usual response I received is either "huh?" or "wtf???". Sometimes they pretend not to understand, or miraculously go deaf everytime i open my mouth. I admit, because English is the predominating language in my household, my Mother Tongue is rather poorly. But i get by. I'm not getting all huffy and all-mighty just because I score better than most in my English tests, I'm just voicing my views rather..nicely on the way teenagers are using the English language nowadays. Even if I'm text-messaging someone,or rather SMSing, I use proper English, spelling and all. "You","You're",etc the entire thing in proper spelling.I understand that some do not have a very strong vocabulary, but at least they try to use complete and proper words.(though on several occasions, misspellings)I should know. I have a good friend of that nature. It's hard to communicate sometimes, seeing as I don't speak Mandarin. He doesn't speak Malay either, so either way, there's a major language barriar. And that's not very nice now, is it? Plus, if you keep babbling away in your Mother Tongue, others who don't speak it may assume you were gossiping about them, insulting them, making them feel uncomfortable and makes you look like a racist. We're supposed to be working towards a discrimination-free world right?

Conversations with the wall.

Staring in the white I wonder if I'll ever see the sky
Staring at the hole in the wall I begin to see
The memories left behind by you and me
All the good times and bad times
We went through it all, together, as always
But you left me high and dry
Without even telling me why
How could you expect me to feel alright
Here without you by my side
I feel
So cold and empty without you
I still feel your skin touching mine
How can i start all over again
Without you here to guide me
How can i start all over again?
I try to imagine you here, right in front of me
But all i see is just a forgotten memory
I still hear your voice,still feel your skin
Still feel you beside of me


Attempt at some love crap. Hmm..shan't do it again.Been having odd dreams. More than once in a month I've dreamt that i was pregnant. It was frightening. Positivly nerve-wrecking. I had a camp a few days ago. It was fun, but i still could not wait to go home. So I was made to have fun against my own will. Argh. I missed my mummy. (So what if I'm close with my mum?) Surprisingly enough, I missed my brothers. Yes, all of 'em. The two little ones, and Gordon. Missed Ayane. Dad too. But he's always working, so there wasn't much of a diference.
Don't really know how I've been feeling for the last coupla months. But something's knawing at the back of my mind. I won't say what. But has anyone out there ever had the worst kind of missing? I mean, the feeling that you're sitting right next to the only person you think you have ever considered using the word 'love' on and yet know clearly that you can never have them? Truth be told, i know everyone's felt it at least once in their life. Well I'm feeling this way and i hate it. I told myself I'd lay off using the word 'love' or even consider using it until after schooling. But i'm only human. More specificly, a teenager. Even my hormones get out of control once in a while. I've refused to admit the attraction, even to myself. The mere thought of falling in love-or rather feeling infactuation of any kind gives me the willies. For example, look at the following results. I have to admit, it's pretty acurate. I was freaked out by how acurate some online test results were. My subconsious mind is overall, generally ignored by my consious,my ego and any other parts of my mind. I still do't know where exactly it is. Strangely enough, I've seen my consious. Not a different looking me, or those angel-devil shoulder things. My consious, is in fact a milky-skinned, grey-eyed, 6 foot tall and lanky teenage boy. I thought he was just some leftover from my many story inspirations that never worked out. I tried to kill him several times, using various methods, ranging from suffocation to using plain household ites like a pen. He endured. My 'dark' side is just him in a bad mood. Strange how the mind works,ne?